方壶斋
去练墨西哥舞的时候， 维丹妮和纳萨勒姐妹俩递给我一张请帖，是纳萨勒的成年礼晚会。成年礼在教堂举行，晚会在一个租来的大厅举行，有烧烤，自助餐和跳舞。
When I went to practice Ballet Folklorico, Venadi and Nathareth, two sisters, handed me an invitation for Nathreth quinceanera party. The ceremony would first be held in a church and the evening party would be held in a rented hall, where there would be BBQ, buffet and dance.
那个地方我知道。我有一次路过那间活动大厅，里面很热闹。我以为是商业舞厅，一问，原来是一个女孩子的成年礼晚会， 不过他们很热情地让我进去玩。我进去蹦了一个多钟头的迪。回来后觉得自己很奇怪，怎么跑到生人的晚会上去？
I know the place. Once when I was passing that hall, I noticed the noise and thought it was a commercial ball dance. Upon asking, I was told it was a girl's coming of age party, but they warmly invited me in. I went in and danced disco for more than an hour. After I went back home, I felt strange about myself: how could I have invaded a party of strangers?
维丹妮她们给我请帖的时候，我把这件事说了，听见的人无不大笑。他们也一定觉得这个中国佬太盖不吝了。
I told them about it when Venadi and her sister gave me the invitation. All who heard me laughed loudly. They must have thought that this chino guy really was reckless.
墨西哥的女孩子，十五岁的时候都要举行成年礼。很多墨西哥家庭往往一掷千金，花的钱甚至比婚礼还多。也巧，这个周末在《华尔街日报》上读到一篇关于墨西哥女孩成年礼的报道，提到一对夫妇，都是从事一般服务工作的，给女儿在拉斯维加斯花了三万块钱让她享受了一次当公主的滋味。他们还对下边一个女儿说，等到她十五岁生日的时候，给她租迪斯尼乐园都行。在美国，很多大公司开始打墨西哥人给女儿过十五岁生日的赚钱主意。
All Mexican girls have a coming of age ceremony at the age of 15. Many Hispanic families often spend thousands of dollars for this, even more than the spending for a wedding. It so happened that this weekend there was an article in Wall Street Journal about this subject. The article mentioned a Hispanic couple who were both in the service profession spend 30,000 dollars in Las Vegas to give their daughter a princessly experience. They also told the next girl that they could book Disneyland for her at her 15th birthday. In the U.S., many big companies have began to think of making money from this Mexican tradition of young daughter's 15th birthday celebration.
当然，对有些家庭来说，这样奢侈是不明智的。不过，到底是拿十五岁当一回事。
Of course, for some families, such lavish spending is not wise, but it after all shows that the age of 15 is being taken seriously.
回到家里，打开请帖，一张精美的卡片呈现在眼前。卡片的色调和设计，都洋溢着脂粉气息。卡片上印着一个穿白纱的青春少女。半透明纸上印着精美的西文行草请柬。请柬开篇先感谢主的恩典，让女孩健康平安地长到十五岁。其次是感谢父母养育之恩。读着这份请柬，很为那里面的亲情感动。
When I arrived home, I opened the invitation. An pretty card jumped into view. The color and the design both bespoke feminine fragrance. On the card is printed a young girl in white gown. The words of the invitation are printed in delicate handwritten style on a semi-transparent paper. The invitation first thanks the Lord for his grace to enable the girl to have grown to this age and then expresses gratitude towards the parents for raising the child. I was touched by the family feelings in these words.
虽然墨西哥人的成年礼只是给女孩子办的，我读了请柬还是想了想十五岁的时候我在做什么。那时候我刚上初中，文革开始才三年。虽然中国古代有及笄礼，我从来没有听说过任何女同学庆祝过自己进入成年。现在， 在网上查 “及笄礼” 或者“成年礼”， 查到的资料都是关于古代的风俗， 只有台湾某个学校还在辅导女孩子学习这个仪式。 孔夫子若在世， 真地要感叹礼失中原了。
Although the Mexican coming of age ceremony is only for girls, after reading the invitation I thought about what I was doing in my 15th year. I just started middle school in the 3rd year of the Cultural Revolution in China. Although in the ancient times, China had a “hair-do ceremony” for girls, I never heard about any of my female classmates celebrating her entering womanhood. Now, if one searches for "hair-do ritual" or "coming of age ceremony" in Chinese on the internet, all the information was about past customs. Only a certain school in Taiwan tutors girls about this ceremony. If Confucius were alive, he would lament the loss of the ritual from China.
正巧借到一个美国电影， 里面讲到一个女孩子十四岁的时候， 跟家人在一个暑假营地度假的时候，来了月经。 家里人对一起野营的左邻右舍大声宣告说， 她现在是个女人了。 这也是一种成年仪式。 这个女孩子于是开始了第一次约会， 第一次和男孩子接吻。 成年，意味着一定的自由，也意味着随之而来的责任。
I happened to have checked out an American movie this weekend, which tells about a girl having her first period when she was 14 and was spending a summer with her family at a camp. Her family loudly announced to the neighbors that she was a woman now. This is also a ceremony of coming of age. The girl then had her first date and first kiss. Entering adulthood means freedom and the related responsibility.
而我们那个十五岁的年代里， 没有人告诉我们说我们是有一定责任能力的成人了。 我们在学校里还是老师监管的对象。当然这也不过分， 因为上学就是要被老师教导的， 但是那时候还提倡向老师汇报思想， 把日记本拿给老师看。 这样虽然密切了师生关系， 但是回过头来想， 也无形中压抑了学生的独立意识的成长。
But when my generation was 15, no one told us that we were adults capable of assuming responsibilities. We were still under the close watch of teachers at school. Well it was nothing biggie of course, because going to school means to be taught by the teacher. Yet at that time, we were encouraged to report our thoughts to the teachers and show our journals to them. This might have closed the distance between the teachers and the students, but it might have also suppressed the growth of the sense of independence.
至于和人的性别角色意识成熟有关的一切， 则都在压抑之中， 师生之间当然是不会说的， 学校生理卫生课也避免或者从简。 就是在家里， 很多孩子恐怕也只是自己摸着石头过河， 学会怎么处理自己身体的发展， 而对外呢， 也是近可能掩盖自己的性别副特征。 我们中学里有个高个子女生， 发育得很丰满， 竟招致一些倒也没有什么恶意的议论。
As for things that were related to the development of sex roles, they were all suppressed. It was a no no subject between the teacher and the student and the hygiene class did its best to avoid it or to give it a brief touch. Even at home, many kids probably learned how to deal with their bodily needs by fumbling in the dark. To the public, girls did their best to conceal their sexual characteristics. In my school there was a tall fully developed girl whose boobs invited some gossiping which were not necessarily malicious.
那时候， 女孩子过了十五岁， 并不是像古代那样， 家里人开始指望有人来提亲。 那时候年轻人除了念书， 就是被动员着卷入政治运动。任何个人的温情， 都是和那场运动格格不入的。等到他们有幸进了大学， 耳边听到的还是关于提倡晚婚晚育的宣传。 那时候的女孩子，也不敢轻易暴露出自己的姿色。记得一次在农村劳动的时候，班里一个女生穿了一件红色的运动衣，勾勒出凸起的胸部。她见到男生过来的时候，下意识地用手里的脸盆挡住。
Those years were not like the ancient times when the family expected marriage proposals for their daughters 15 years old and above. Young people, in addition to going to school, were involved in political campaigns. Any private feelings were contrary to that political movement. When they were lucky enough to enter college, what they heard was the preaching about the glory of late marriage and late conception. Girls of that time did not readily show their feminine charm. I remember that when my class was working in the countryside, a girl in the class one day was wearing a red sweatshirt, which showed the contour of her chest . When male students came over, she held up a basin in front of her without giving much thought to what she was doing.
那是一个多么没有浪漫的十五岁的季节啊！
What an unromantic season for the age of 15!
其实何止我那一代人的女性没有过成年礼，现在的中国女孩子一样没有。我跟一个七四年生人的女孩证实了这个事实。我在网上也查不到任何关于中国人给女孩子举行成人礼的资料。日本好像还有一个女儿节，中国除了三八妇女节是给女人的， 就没有什么特别优待女孩子的节日了。那个三八妇女节的名称，听起来还容易引起误解。
Actually, not only the females of my generation did not have this coming of age ritual, the girls in China today also do not have it. I confirmed this from a girl born in 1974. Nor can I find any information about Chinese people celebrating their daughters’ coming of age. In Japan, there is a Girls Day, but in China, only the March 8th is set aside for women. There are no other special festivals for girls. Moreover, the name of March 8th Women’s Day sounds misleading to some people (Note: In Taiwan, calling a woman “Three Eight” is an insult.)
据说，墨西哥女孩子的成年礼，继承的是南美土著人的传统，包括玛雅人和阿兹台克人。 有不少学者猜测南美土著的文化源头是中国文化。看来孔子说的礼失中原求诸野还是有道理的。
It is said that the coming of age ceremony in Mexico is an old tradition that can be traced back to South American natives, including the Mayans and Aztecs. Many scholars have speculated that the origin of the native culture of South America is Chinese culture. It seems that what Confucius said has some reason: when the rites get lost from central China, search them in remote countries.
月底，我要去瞻仰一下这个古老中国本来有的习俗。
So the end of this month, I am going to observe this custom that originally could be found in ancient China.
2004， 10， 16
寄自美国
照片出处：http://www.quinceanera.us/Fotos/Rosa/portraits/portrait01.JPG
