小资版:
The Death of Grasshoppers by Natural Causes
My heart pounds, stomach sickens
At every sound of the grasshoppers
Smashing on the windshield
Like a thousand raindrops
A thousand bullets
Heat rises from the ground
Forming a small mirage
Dust storm swirling from the distance
The grasshoppers stampede through space
Like thousands of tiny asteroids
Lifting, thriving, and crushing
There is no struggling, no screaming
In the death of natural causes
Only pulps of fluid dripping down the glass
And occasionally, on the hood
A pair of severed wings
There is no meaning, no memory
To the death of natural causes
I hand over the key
To the boy at car wash station
And in all things God works
To erase all the traces
革命版:
Thousands of Grasshoppers in the Air
It is not the swirling dust that makes me sick
Nor is the heat rising from the ground
It is the smashes of the grasshoppers on my windshield
Like a thousand raindrops, a thousand bullets
My heart trembles at every sound
As thousands of asteroids rushing through space
They stampede through this vast unforgiving land
Awakening by the signals of spring
Lifting, thriving, and crushing
Into fate’s unforgiving hand
I wonder if there is a heaven for these little creatures
If they get to go where they want to there
I wonder if they can grasp the concept of futility
If so, will they stop this useless, meaningless massacre
But---
Is there any other way
When the muscles are young,and the wings are light
Is there any other choice
When the sun is still bright
And the total darkness has yet to fall upon us
So be it
Through thousands of cars the grasshoppers fly
As if they know where their destinies are
Through thousands of grasshoppers I drive
As if I know where my destiny is
宁要小资,不要革命!
- posted on 04/17/2005
Not too bad. strong appeal in appaling circumstances. a clear depiction, be careful of this kind "metaphor" mistaken for some ongoing political movement :)
There are some basic grammatical typos affecting the rhythm of going in the 4th section.
While, things may never be simple. Argument can no way be clear. The land is never unforgiving, and destiny's hand is always "there" but there is no "there" -- not what you think you are apprehending, even for the pitiless creature that you observed. :)
- Re: Thousands of Grasshoppers in the Airposted on 04/18/2005
I like the first two paragraphs, you seem to have an unusual ability to paint a detailed, vivid picture with emotions underneath. Then from there the poem goes more like a prose-style story with questions asked and lessons (?) preached. If you can cut the later paragraphs into a couple shorter and more intense ones with a less-obvious preaching tone, this poem can be a quite successful one.
Only some of my feelings, can be totally wrong.
- posted on 04/18/2005
Thanks LingHuChong and Adagio. Yes there is too much preaching stuff, and I definitely don't want to go political. :-)
Note to self: Must not over-think! must follow intuition!
Ok here is my revision:
My heart pounds, stomach sickens
At every sound of the grasshoppers
Smashing on the windshield
Like a thousand raindrops
A thousand bullets
Heat rises from the ground
Forming a small mirage
Dust storm swirling from the distance
The grasshoppers stampede through space
Like thousands of tiny asteroids
Lifting, thriving, and crushing
There is no struggling, no screaming
In the death of natural causes
Only pulps of fluid dripping down the glass
And occasionally, on the hood
A pair of severed wings
There is no meaning, no memory
To the death of natural causes
I hand over the key
To the boy at car wash station
And in all things God works
To erase all the traces - Re: Thousands of Grasshoppers in the Airposted on 04/18/2005
Yeah I like this version better, the ending is great, precise and sarcastically drepressive.
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