草莓上的爱
冷 烛
《诗经》之 《采葛》
彼采葛兮,一日不见,如三月兮。
彼采萧兮,一日不见,如三秋兮。
彼采艾兮,一日不见,如三岁兮。
我戴一顶低的鸭舌帽走进曙光路上的这家酒吧时,节奏感极强的音乐在不太宽阔的空间里有点震耳,桌边、吧台坐满了人。我上身着短短的迷彩服,腰间系一条宽皮带,绿色皮裤子上的挂件一走就有金属的撞击声,“叮当叮当!”几双妩媚的眼睛扫过来,我感觉自己有些目空一切,说实话,我经常不得不到这里来减轻我的疲倦,我叫草莓,是个报社的娱乐记者,我见过各种乖张的、叛逆的、古怪的明星人物,他们在我眼中都好比墙上的字,有各种不同的规格和体形,我叫了一扎啤酒,开始找位子。
今天是周末,老板的生意看来不差错,狂欢正在进行到高潮。当然高高矮矮的酒桌边、吧台上都是人,有的正围成堆兴致勃勃掷着色子,有的互相搂着肩膀在窃窃私语,也有人随着旋律摇摆着身子。 我点燃一根古巴雪茄,这是罄去欧洲前留在我那里的。这里是我们的乐园。在暗夜里,我们尽情释放着自己。
草莓,喂,到我这里来。
一个声音越过桌子,飞抵我的耳边。
他走到后台,示意乐队的鼓手可以开始了,骤然,音乐响起,一个男人沙哑的声音在麦克风里飘过来:
“记得去年冬天你说天不冷,你说因为有我在你身边
今天的街上人们穿得很厚,没有我你冷不冷
亲爱的亲爱的,你在哪里,没有我你的心情好不好
其实我不忍将你抛弃 , 你爱我你才会太依赖我
你一个人一个人在哪里,你是不是,是不是一样惦记我
其实我,其实我怕你哭,所以我,所以我还是一个人……
没有我,你冷不冷,亲爱的亲爱的,你在哪里,没有我你的冬天好不好,其实我不忍看你离去,靠近我你是否还需要我。你一个人一个人在哪里,其实我其实我,怕你哭。没有我,你冷不冷。。。。。。
酒吧里多的是30岁左右的人,我的眼光在酒杯边流连开始了寻找,是的,我在这里见到月牙儿,第一眼竟把她当成了一个男孩。短发,休闲夹克,完全是男孩装扮。 月牙儿是之前在网上认识的一个女孩子。她的QQ个人资料里性别写着:男,QQ秀形象是好看的日本卡通——灌篮高手。
.......
但你以为她在四十八岁还能迷死马克安东尼,仅仅靠橄榄油吗?天真的小傻瓜。”
我一直对那些特别的男人没什么感觉。但是乌伟好象从撒哈拉跑来的一样,一下子就吸引了我的视线,他的头发黄中带黑,自然卷曲,胸膛和手臂成古铜色。可是,那天我很高兴的缘故吧,八点半,我约好与网友“如风男人”在玫瑰园见面,我想起他昨天在网上写的《致黛玉》:
在这样的深夜,想写这样的文字,想了写,写了删……
有一种美,使人怅然如失,有一种美,使人泪流满面,有一种美……从冬到夏,流过了三百年的好年华。蓦然回首,她依然是亭亭玉立,似玉如画,那是潇湘传来的晚唱,那是洞庭深处的绝响,那是天国道院传来的天籁之音,是相思?是惆怅?是哀怨?是梦里的他乡?
陋室空巷,可曾是当年的歌舞场?衰草枯杨,可曾有当年的白玉床?她却只带来一颗露珠,露珠生动的时候,泪已流干;可她只带走一缕相思,恃才傲世的情绪,百结的愁肠。她只袭一笼轻烟,秋风起时,与你我一同消散,还有花锄,还有《西厢》……
前尘的旧梦,今夕的偶遇,心与心不经意地碰撞,都化作了片片杨花,滴滴离人泪。
今宵无语,空对朔风,寂寞高士,长裙素衣,可是踏雪探梅去?
今宵无语,空对高月,潇湘旧主,形单影只,可是觅踪葬花去?
今宵无语,空对箫音,红楼故宫,可是化作了——镜中花,水中月……
今宵无语,飞仙邀我同游,跨越了三百年的时空,与故旧相遇,酒入愁肠,都化作了好梦一场。
今宵何年?今朝何处?今夕魂归何方?
......
我有些喜欢玉儿,她才23岁,比我小十岁,6年前到杭州读书后就一直留在杭州,“习惯了在杭州的生活”。没有工作,因为懒得去找。一直花着父母给的钱,“没办法嘛,我又没工作,总得生活嘛。” 玉儿说着,脸红了红。眼下也没有朋友,玉儿每天的事情就是上网、睡觉,在网上她可以看卡通片,和人肆无忌惮地谈论感情。碰到我之前,她是“过一天算一天”。
穿着肥大衣服的高个子,揽着一个娇小漂亮的女孩在喝酒,两人不时地贴一贴脸,高个子偶一转身,流行的韩式发型下那张清秀的脸暴露了她的身份。我走进吧台里间要酒,身上的金属纽扣与皮带撞击的声音吸引了角落的一双眼睛,当然我感觉到我兽皮裤和半截手套形成了一种来自旷野久违的清新,我悠闲地从口袋里掏出另一只雪茄,掏打火机的手停在空中。这时那只德国乐队音乐在灯光朦胧的大厅里回旋:
Adaro是
传说中的一种美人鱼
你可以在西南太平洋群岛的一片暗黑礁石上
看见她们美丽透明的身影
歌声来自远古
或者比远古更远处
来自自然,来自天空
来自凡灵不可能到达甚至预知的
时空
神秘而优美
这样的声音
是过目不忘的风景
注定要让人流连往返
当她们在礁石上放歌的时候
海面平静,阳光温暖
路过的水手是要触礁送命的
纯洁而危险
天亮的时候请别忘记我。
传说中,太阳升起来了,美人鱼就将变成泡沫了
传说中,海上有个女子,日夜唱着歌谣
听到的人,就再也回不了岸
这是adaro的歌声
向着霞光璀璨的地方,向着冷月低垂的地方
是谁轻轻拨响了竖琴
当一切无法抵挡
当一切失去方向
就让我们停留在深蓝的海上
忘记忧伤
忘记希望
忘记痛苦
忘记你
忘记我
忘记他
我在网上与如风男人聊天,
草莓:这世界,女记者他妈妈的不是人啊!
如风男人:你怎么这样说呢?
- posted on 07/08/2005
走过幽暗的巷子,那天我去看了林一的妻子栀子,林一白血病已经走了2年了,栀子一直还曾经在过去的悲伤中,说实话,我看过的生离死别已经很多,几乎麻木了,但是哪天,栀子给我看了她写给林一的信,我心中被利器击中中了。
守望天国的爱人
栀子
林一:
你好吗?我的爱人!
两年前的8月22日上午10时22分,你永远地离开了我。从这个世界上彻底消失。你的肉体从我怀中永远离去了,化为灰烬,我不知在那里能等到你的灵魂。
那年四月底体检时,你恰好在休假,后来因非典推迟了补查,于是错过了。也错过了生的机会。你病后,你们报社尽了一切力来挽救你的生命。除了让你住进最好的医院,不要担心钱的问题。事后报社员工自发捐了7万多元钱。而就在你离去的同时,报社一个同事正在另一大医院请一位中医老教授来为你诊治,而另一位同事则在帮你联系骨髓库-
林一,其实你的病早有先兆。前年五月份,报社组织员工体检时,你就已被查出白细胞和血小板偏低,报社建议你复查,可惜你告诉大家,复查的结果是没有问题,只是有点“贫血”。在工作上,你一直是个“亡命之徒”,忽略了自己的头发突然变白,大量脱落和头昏疲倦的种种症状。直到前年七月上旬,“贫血”发展成了“白血病”,且已是晚期。
这些年来,报道过那么多起白血病患者的故事,其中也不乏救治成功的例子,可是当身边的同事倒下时,仅仅一个月,你却就走了。面对病魔,我们无法可想,无计可施。
林一,我知道你身世坎坷。一直都把你当珍宝一样放在心底。你来自农村,从小被抱养给他人,因此成人后要负担两个父亲两个母亲(亲生父母和养父母)。其父亲(记不清是生父还是养父)患有肺气肿。还记得前些年,报社同事常接到电话,叫转告林一,父亲又吐血住院了,叫林一速带钱到医院。林一丢下工作就开始借钱,然后飞奔往医院------这样的情形,一年要发生好几次。你是家里的经济支柱,你活得很累。但是对待朋友,你是如此仗义轻财,有时对朋友简直大方得有点“挥金如土”。对待妻子总是无微不至,由于家贫,因为没有钱来置一件象样的家具,你与我恋爱多年未能结婚,。前年底或是去年上半年,患肺气肿的父亲去世了。我们的生活才刚有了好转。在查出“贫血”时,他靠自己的努力被提升为政法部主任助理,当年上半年又被提升为政法部副主任。如此快的提升,是你付出了心血与汗水的结果,他的身体状况越来越糟糕,发病前脾气也变得急燥起来,但你自己却浑然不觉。
03年初,我们按揭买了房子装修后准备结婚。提升副主任后又按揭了一辆派力奥。五月初,我们举行了简朴而热闹的婚礼。可婚礼上种种温馨搞笑场面还历历在目,一个多月后你就永远地去了。距离新婚尚不满百日。我们共守艰辛三十多年,好日子刚刚才开头,你却永远地离开了我。我不敢相信,命运是如此残忍,如此不公。我拖着已有孕在身却要面对这样的无情打击,在泪水中渡过。得知你患有白血病后,为怕腹中胎儿被遗传,我狠下心只得做了引产手术。术后不满一个月,你就永远地离去了。我的痛彻心扉。如果不是病魔的袭击,现在是该享受着牵手孩儿牙牙学语的时候,或者周末驾着新车出去兜风的快乐啊!他们刚刚用双手为自己创造出一个美好生活的开始啊!
看着冰棺中熟悉的那张脸,我扑在棺盖上边吻你,我喊你你听不听得到?“林一,你不要我啦?”我心如刀绞啊。死亡请把我也一起带走,我要找到你,林一,假如有来生,我一定让你的生命不要如此脆弱。
-----
安息吧,林一!每年清明和你的生日,我都去墓地看你。你永远活在我的心中。
那天,我留在栀子家里,没有回家。我不是特地留下的,因为我喝醉了! - posted on 07/08/2005
觉——刹那即永恒
歌曲http://www.hsyj.pudong-edu.sh.cn/source/000028/0000018461.mp3
蓝色玫瑰
http://club.cat898.com/newbbs/UploadFile/2005-7/2005770533393.gif
http://chinamm.tom.com/img/assets/200402/040202164822jyw5745.jpg http://www.amtb.org.tw/mobao/cbr.gif
勿忘我:
http://club.cat898.com/newbbs/UploadFile/2005-7/200577203451927.jpg
http://img.shangdu.com/images/newsimg/2004-01/30_09_1801.jpg http://218.57.137.136/zibo/scepic/scen/boshan/%B7%F0%D7%D6.jpg http://b.heshang.net/picture/UploadFiles/200503/20050325103002844.gif
http://www.sxycagri.gov.cn/uploadImages/200411619575681154.jpg
觉(遥寄林觉民)
作词:许常德 齐豫
作曲:郭子
编曲:陈爱珍 周国仪
觉
当我看见你的信
我竟然相信
刹那即永恒
再多的难舍和舍得
有时候不得不舍
觉
当我回首我的梦
我不得不相信
刹那即永恒
再难的追寻和遗弃
有时候不得不弃
爱不在开始
却只能停在开始
把缱绻了一时
当作被爱了一世
你的不得不舍和遗弃
都是守真情的坚持
我留守着数不完的夜
和载沉载浮的凌迟
谁给你选择的权利
让你就这样的离去
谁把我无止境的付出
都化成纸上的 一个名字
如今
当我寂寞那么真
我还是得相信
刹那能永恒
再苦的甜蜜和道理
有时候不得不理
吾今与汝无言矣!吾居九泉之下,遥闻汝哭声,当哭相和也。吾平日不信有鬼,今则又望其真有。今人又言心电感应有道,吾亦望其言是实,则吾之死,吾灵尚依依旁汝也,汝不必以无侣悲!
"嗟夫!巾短情长,所未尽者尚有万千,汝可摹拟得之。吾今不能见汝矣!汝不能舍吾,其时时于梦中寻我乎!一恸!"
后记:真爱如何?世间有吗?一切都将有终结,但他们往往在一时之间又错认为并无结束。他们忘记了终结的来临而感到无限恐惧。
灿烂之后留下的只有空虚,犹如落在掌心上的一片雪。从来不需要想起,因为永远也不会忘记。
刹那即永恒!心痛奈何?
- Re: 觉posted on 07/09/2005
- Re: 觉posted on 07/09/2005
- posted on 07/11/2005
Jeremial Rose
To Arafat(?), the nationalist fighter, on Qing Ming Festival
By Cold Candle
translator By WOUNDWOLF
The spring wind is blowing with the fragrance from Jeremial Roses! Amaer, are you well up there in the paradise?
We have a short spring in this city. It always comes silently with no steps heard. The traditional Qingming Festival of Chinese Lunar Calendar is coming. Of course, you can‘t hear the religious prayers from your loved ones, who are still moving their steps slowly in the flames of war. I am tired of the noise in the cities and missing is breaking my heart. Walking across deserts and rivers, I am coming to the Death Valley with wild geese.
You said, "No one can kick me out of this piece of land." You said, "No departure from you." You survived several assassinations in the year I was born. You were "an immortal bird". But now you have left us. Your soul returned to Ram Alah(?) on my birthday.
It seems as if I have been brainless because of the wound caused to my life during the past years. As you said, "I am here with oliver branches and the rifles of soldiers for freedom. Please do not let the branches drop from my hand.", we planted oliver trees everywhere. Like an angel and the sunshine in the morning, you came with light, warmth and strength for the people. In the north wind of that cold winter, I watched your speech on TV. It lured me to fly, as a moth, to a ray of sunshine. On the day you were leaving for France, you said, "I will come back if the situation allows.". But why was the sparkle of life
set on by you was put out in anxiety, wandering and grievance in less than three months from the day you became ill.
Oh , please let me know why a bunch of withered grass with thongs is called Jeremial Rose? And what is more, it is a bright flower treated with drops of water and a ray of sunshine. Like the wind rolling grass as the Arabian called, the mall bush, hard and dry, in the desert, can only be seen in the sand and stones under the Dead Sea or in the deserted Sinai Mount. They grow up under the burning sun and strengthen their bodies against the cold wind!
A long time ago, as the legend says, the bush was found by Sawa(?) a saint from the Death Valley of the Jewish wilderness. He respected the stinging grass as the symbol of revival and described the flower in the sweetest words he had ever known on earth. The mystical grass was picked up by a pilgrim, who then took it thousands of mile away from its homeland. Weathered by years, it turned gray and life was leaving. But with only one drop of water, it would spread out its leaves right away, breaking out the tiny green sprouts and pink buds. I am walking through the sprays in the Mediteranean: blue, the silent blue, expanded into the boundless horizon...
Oh, Rose, Jeremial Rose, a bunch of thorny dry grass born in the lethal sandy stones at the foot of deserted Sinai Mount, to be found by a spiritual pilgrim. With a drop of dew from heart, it will grow up with green leaves and dress itself up as a human being.The miserable who travel in hardship feel the joy and comfort: there is no death in the world. Anything that has existed or been experienced will never be destroyed!
I find my dwarf body turned into a piece of dry grass, out of which, a Jeremial Rose is growing up. When the life is still struggling for survival and when a breath is still there, there will be no wandering nor loss. My soul is singing joyfully to my beloved!
I soaked the root and stem from my past in the pure dew of torturing love and soft passion and thus the green in my treasure let out the tender sprouts again surprisingly, delaying the unavoidable moment. Even the oceans are turned into farm land, my feeble body will breed a new life if there is still sunshine and rain in the desert. Believing what I feel, I stretch myself up in the silence of dawn and the sunset in the evening. The sweet dew will become dry and the heart will be weakened. Jeremial Rose will not be buried in the oblivion forever.
Oh, a Jeremial Rose. It is living in its own manner, lonely but powerfully. Slowly, I am forgetting the depression of "fall", forgetting the silent grievance. In winter, everything comes to a rest but the potential of life is still there.
In the busy metropolitans, I can not see a strip of clear sky but the smoke filling up the space between the trees. Perhaps, the people who suffer from wars are doomed to have no opportunity to enjoy spring and autum in their warmth. So let us pray, for you the summer to revive after winter!
"autum" should be "autumn"
Spring will come, after winter,with another trip of life! Jeremial Rose will bless all those who are struggling in their travel through hardships in search of a happy home, in the hope that they will deliver peace with their wisdom.
Revised in Rain Sound Study of the Lius‘ Temple March 28, 2005
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