- A tribute to movie “Oasis”
In my dream that damaged tree bloomed
The beautiful flowers shone under the sun
It bloomed in persistence, in defiance
And was fully aware of its incandescence
It was a peach tree that would bear fruits
Sweet as a lover’s heart in a cold winter day
The hard kernel was also like a lover’s heart
Stubborn to stay faithful to each other
2005.8.20
This Korean movie I saw last night is probably the bravest (and the weirdest) love story ever made. A social outcast fell in love with a deformed disabled girl (the real connection seemed to be that both were kind of abandoned by their family & social circle), yet the love affair turned into a tragic scandal. At the end of the movie, the guy fled from the prison and ran to the girl's appartment building. He climded onto a tree outside her window and chopped down the branches frantically, since the girl had mentioned to him that the branches casted scary shadows on the wall rug by her bed at night - it was a picture of an oasis at which the poor girl liked to gaze and seemed to get lot of comfort from it.
After the tree was damaged enough, the guy was finally caught by police and the lovers exchanged their final words in his shouting and her radio (she couldn't speak clearly).
- posted on 08/22/2005
好像更喜欢这首一些. 比喻有两面性, 很耐人寻味. 另一首立意稍明显, 但标题很有意思. 只是假如The next cute thing doesn't literally mean "the next cute thing," 结构不全是linear, 可能会更有意思. 当然, 这与我个人的品味有关--我比较喜欢有多重指向, ambiguous的东西. 就是Frost的诗表面大白话, 内在的东西并不直白. 你这两首已经很有这方面的意思了. 语言和语感还有很多可以琢磨的地方. 我最近买了一本 The Poet's Hand Book, written by Judson Jerome. 讲了许多许多关于line division, meters, alliteration, rhyme, sound echoes等技巧方面的问题. 我觉得对诗人的"炼字"很有帮助.
adagio wrote:
- A tribute to movie “Oasis” after saw it last night
In my dream that damaged tree bloomed
The beautiful flowers shone under the sun
It bloomed in persistence, in defiance
And was fully aware of its incandescence
It was a peach tree that would bear fruits
Sweet as a lover’s heart in a cold winter day
The hard core was also like a lover’s heart
Stubborn to stay faithful to each other
2005.8.20
- posted on 08/22/2005
唉,惭愧惭愧,我这是纯粹涂鸦,不值得你这么慎重评的。那个梦真是奇特,那个电影也奇特,由电影及梦,总觉得是奇事一件,得写下来。昨天白天的经历也是有趣得很,蓝蝴蝶,蜻蜓,婴儿,三件可爱的东西连着显现,似乎也值得一记。别人写blog,我就造诗了。:)
我也是觉得这首更好些,虽然花的时间短。那首缺内在的连贯,只是客观事件的韵律纪录而已(所以Frost虽看上去直白,也是要功夫的),看我能否将它提高些 。。。
你推荐的书怕是对写英文诗更有帮助,我现在踯躅在中文和英文之间,到底想用哪种语言写诗还没个头绪,这就是双语的困境,唉。
不过我还是想买来参考看看,谢谢推荐!
王敖的文章打印下来了,待我花时间拜读。 - Re: A Dream I Had Last Nightposted on 08/23/2005
In my dream that damaged tree bloomed
I like this opening sentence - forceful and haunting ... probably will remember it forever. :-)
- Re: A Dream I Had Last Nightposted on 08/23/2005
The hard core was also like a lover’s heart
Stubborn to stay faithful to each other
I like this closing sentence - forceful and haunting ... probably will remember it forever. :-)
Maybe change the "hard core" to some other words?
I like the next cute thing too. It is kind of like an animation of a pacman. - Re: A Dream I Had Last Nightposted on 08/24/2005
Yes I changed it to kernel. Thanks for your comments!
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