Vice President Dick Cheney revealed today that he shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend because he believed the man was the fugitive terror mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri.
Mr. Cheney acknowledged that the man he sprayed with pellets on Saturday was not al-Zawahiri but rather Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old millionaire lawyer from Austin, blaming the mix-up on “faulty intelligence.”
“I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets,” Mr. Cheney told reporters. “Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted ‘Cheney, you bastard’ did I realize that this intelligence was faulty.”
Moments after Mr. Cheney’s assault on Mr. Whittington, Mr. al-Zawahiri appeared in a new videotape broadcast on al-Jazeera to announce that he was uninjured in the vice president’s attack because, in his words, “I was in Pakistan.”
An aide to the vice president said he believed that the American people would believe Mr. Cheney’s version of events, but added, “If he was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it’s a shame it wasn’t Jack Abramoff.”
At the White House, President George W. Bush defended his vice president’s shooting of a fellow hunter, saying that the attack sent “a strong message to terrorists everywhere.”
“The message is, if Dick Cheney is willing to shoot an innocent American citizen at point-blank range, imagine what he’ll do to you,” Mr. Bush said.
Elsewhere, aviator Steve Fossett completed his three-day journey around the globe, setting a world record for wasting both time and money.
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/13/2006
that's funny.
who the hell went hunting with Dick Cheney ? risk his life ?
it's a very dangerous hunting.
God bless American hunters!
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
美国人选出这样的人当总统副总统,连我这alien都觉得耻辱。
布什竟然说这样愚不可及的话,让人瞠目结舌。
78-year-old millionaire lawyer 该sue cheney。 - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
interesting. - posted on 02/14/2006
Come on Maya, the shooting incident itself is real, the rest are just satire.
More jokes:
TV joke writers take shots at Cheney
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Television talk shows took aim Monday at Vice President Dick Cheney's accidental weekend shooting in Texas of a hunting companion. Here are a few of the jokes.
"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS
• "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."
• "But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."
• "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
• "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC
• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."
• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."
• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "
• "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"
"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central
• The show's segment titles included "Cheney's Got a Gun," "No. 2 With a Bullet" and "Dead-Eye Dick."
• "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."
• "Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it."
"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS
• "He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."
• "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "
• "The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."
• "Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
That's really really good.
I don't know American people can even hold this kind humor under Bush/Cheney administration. :) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
those jokes crack me up, Susan, youmade my day:) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
“If he was going to shoot any of his cronies right now it’s a shame it wasn’t Jack Abramoff.”
By the way, Ms. Susan, who is the heck of Jack Abramoff? We'd rather think he would like to shoot Ann Lee :) - posted on 02/14/2006
The following news updates are brought to you by Susan’s Broadcasting Service. If you have telephone connection, we live where you live.
The White House is under fire today for not reporting the Cheney’s shooting incident immediately to the media. White House spokesman Scott McClellan insists he didn’t know about the incident until very late. When pressured, he says: “I don’t remember hearing of it, I have no recollection of it, Goddamit, you can’t put me under oath anyway!”
When calmed down, he persuades:” Be reasonable, people, if we didn’t know about the damage of hurricane Katrina for 3 days, how could we know about this accident sooner?”
Meanwhile, Vice President Cheney vowed to catch the person who leaked the name of the injured hunter to the media. “I swear, if I can catch him” He says, “I am going to fire him from my hunting team. He will never be allowed to hunt with me again!”
Two hours after his announcement, Cheney’s office received more than 100 calls from his political friends admitting leaking the name to the media.
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
He is the millionaire lobbyist who bribed Bush’s administration. He is under investigations right now and may get Cheney into trouble too. Anyway I got some jokes for him too, I will write them down if I got a chance.
LingHuChong wrote:
By the way, Ms. Susan, who is the heck of Jack Abramoff? We'd rather think he would like to shoot Ann Lee :) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
Susan wrote:
He is the millionaire lobbyist who bribed Bush’s administration. He is under investigations right now and may get Cheney into trouble too. Anyway I got some jokes for him too, I will write them down if I got a chance.
Oh, even I knew him. Yeap, good opportunity to neutralise him. - posted on 02/14/2006
Hi Susan:
you need to hire a broadcaster who can report live from Washington? I am willing to do so:), I will freak you and your audience out:)!
Here is the news: Vice Predisent Dick Cheney,after a long waiting period since the hunting incident, finally appeared in a press conference with the recovered lawyer. When he was asked by one of the reporters if he had accepted donation from the republican lawyer, Cheney shrug off the allegation and said" I don't know him, if I do, I would blow his head off"
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
Yes feiming, you can be my broadcastor. You told me that I won't get sued by politicians, so if I get into any trouble, you will have to be my lawyer too. :-) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
yes, I am willing to defend you Susan! - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/14/2006
Thanks Feiming. :-)
To LingHu:
To be fair, Cheney wouldn't think of shooting Ang Lee: his own daughter is a lesbian with a long-time partner. - posted on 02/15/2006
This time Letterman simply beats Leno hands down.
Susan wrote:
"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS
• "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."
• "But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."
• "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
• "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."
"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC
• "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."
• "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."
• "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "
• "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
事情开始变得让人啼笑皆非了-霰弹颗粒显然进入了受伤者的血循环,引起了心肌血管梗塞。
但愿这老头子能活下来。切尼还指望着他呐。
- Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
八十一子 wrote:
但愿这老头子能活下来。切尼还指望着他呐。
Why? Mr Cheney is going to need his money, or the legal advice? :) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
ya, it is not very funny anymore, the old man had a what they called a silent stroke and irregular heart beat, his life is in danger now - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
feiming wrote:
ya, it is not very funny anymore, the old man had a what they called a silent stroke and irregular heart beat, his life is in danger now
Hey, it just became funy as Mr 81 said above. :) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
Why? Mr Cheney is going to need his money, or the legal advice? :)
not the money or the legal advice at this point, if the old man dies, it is going to be a PR diaster for the admistration, and the history would be rewritten, a U.S. vice president kills someone while hunting,which never happened before:) - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
You mean “a strong message to terrorists everywhere.”?
If so, you are even funnier than our poor president :)
Bush says nothing so far about the incident. These words must be from the big mouth of Letterman or Leno.
玛雅 wrote:
布什竟然说这样愚不可及的话,让人瞠目结舌。 - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
Letterman needs a tooth(?), and Leno is just too blowed-up.
it's over, it's over!
laizhe wrote:
You mean “a strong message to terrorists everywhere.”?
If so, you are even funnier than our poor president :)
Bush says nothing so far about the incident. These words must be from the big mouth of Letterman or Leno.
玛雅 wrote:
布什竟然说这样愚不可及的话,让人瞠目结舌。 - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
It is from the Borowitz Report, which is a website specialized in political jokes.
laizhe wrote:
Bush says nothing so far about the incident. These words must be from the big mouth of Letterman or Leno. - Re: CHENEY SAYS SHOOTING OF FELLOW HUNTER WAS BASED ON FAULTY INTELLIGENCE (ZT)posted on 02/15/2006
I think The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is the funniest of them all, just as what I expected. :)
qls wrote:
This time Letterman simply beats Leno hands down.
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