初稿,待续。明天接着写。有空再吗中文。
回lucy, 是,我们现在有联系。
- Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/17/2008
moab wrote:
想看什么版本?我中文英文都写不好,英文打字方便一点。
中文的视觉上更有美感。
我也要走了,
不管贴什么,都别删~ - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/17/2008
中文, I agree with 琦儿.
moab wrote:
想看什么版本?我中文英文都写不好,英文打字方便一点。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/17/2008
中文英文都好。你写英文肯定快一点。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/17/2008
我也想看。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/17/2008
这一进来看到只有标题没内容,都搞不清是闪了还是还没写呢,都是古典闹的,此风不可长啊。:) - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/18/2008
呵呵,同学变成了师姐,会有严重心理障碍的! 我们高中也有一位类似的,等着看你的结局是否一样惨;)) - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/18/2008
我很喜欢这首歌。开车的时候总听到。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/18/2008
Ha, For me, last cut is the deepest.
LM wrote:
我很喜欢这首歌。开车的时候总听到。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/18/2008
真的很好听,太太说我贼心不死。
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OVUSCQwCX8
July wrote:
Ha, For me, last cut is the deepest.
LM wrote:
我很喜欢这首歌。开车的时候总听到。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的初恋posted on 02/18/2008
你们现在联系吗?
- Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/19/2008
I thought first cut was always imperfect, but didn't realize it was empty. :-)
moab wrote:
初稿,待续。明天接着写。有空再吗中文。
回lucy, 是,我们现在有联系。
- Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/19/2008
怎么又删除了?:(
不过,删除之前我是看过的,匆匆地。到最后一段没看完。
故事带有淡淡的忧伤,挺喜欢,只是一个地方疑惑,之前不敢问,但实在太好奇了(就是八卦),还是说出来吧:她是华人吗?怎么看到你形容她有蓝眼珠,却又能写中文?
我是不是太八卦了?如果不想回答,不用理会我。:) - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/19/2008
是想改一改,再接着写的。
欢迎八卦。是华人。那时的镜片有光白和克司的,后一种泛蓝。
xiaoman wrote:
怎么又删除了?:(
不过,删除之前我是看过的,匆匆地。到最后一段没看完。
故事带有淡淡的忧伤,挺喜欢,只是一个地方疑惑,之前不敢问,但实在太好奇了(就是八卦),还是说出来吧:她是华人吗?怎么看到你形容她有蓝眼珠,却又能写中文?
我是不是太八卦了?如果不想回答,不用理会我。:) - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/20/2008
真可惜我没有看到。。。期待。。。 - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/20/2008
不好意思,还没顾得上接着写,初稿也没修改。
其实我从小就不是讲故事的料,这方面我家领导水平比我高。硬着头皮写了一段出来是想看看大家的critique and comment的, 不光是故事情节,也包括遣词造句,结构组织,等等。 - posted on 02/20/2008
moab wrote:
不好意思,还没顾得上接着写,初稿也没修改。
其实我从小就不是讲故事的料,这方面我家领导水平比我高。硬着头皮写了一段出来是想看看大家的critique and comment的, 不光是故事情节,也包括遣词造句,结构组织,等等。
有空我帮你看。
I was seventeen, so was she(L), as was my high school side-kick, my buddy(Y), my rival in love. I couldn't recall exactly when she caught my eye. Nor do I know why that feeling toward her never left me for a good fifteen years of my life.
She was a good student, the kind that your teachers gave a lot attention to. In part that's how their performance are measured, by the matriculation rate into the college. Well, that's not exactly why I liked her. She's short, not too slim, not curvy either. She liked to wear her hair short. Behind that pinkish frame and bluish lenses are a pair of understanding eyes. She's cute. She's elegant. There's something about her that makes her very feminine.
I was seventeen, so was Lorena, as was Yousef, my high school side-kick, my buddy, and my rival in love. I could not recall exactly when Lorena first caught my eye. Nor did I know why that tender feeling toward her never left me for a good fifteen years of my life.
Lorena was a good student, the kind that teachers gave a lot of attention to. But that was not why I liked her. She was short, not too slim, and not curvy. She liked to wear her hair short. Behind that pinkish frame and bluish lenses were a pair of understanding eyes. She was cute. She was elegant. There was something about her that made her very feminine.
- posted on 02/20/2008
谢谢阿姗。
我的爱情故事(4) 的题目已经想好了,叫 “Because You Saw Me When I Was Invisible".
阿姗 wrote:
moab wrote:有空我帮你看。
不好意思,还没顾得上接着写,初稿也没修改。
其实我从小就不是讲故事的料,这方面我家领导水平比我高。硬着头皮写了一段出来是想看看大家的critique and comment的, 不光是故事情节,也包括遣词造句,结构组织,等等。
I was seventeen, so was she(L), as was my high school side-kick, my buddy(Y), my rival in love. I couldn't recall exactly when she caught my eye. Nor do I know why that feeling toward her never left me for a good fifteen years of my life.
1) You might want to use names for the characters, not letter names. It will read easier.
2) Here's what I would write:
I was seventeen, so was Lorena, as was Yousef, my high school side-kick, my buddy, and my rival in love. I could not recall exactly when Lorena first caught my eye. Nor did I know why that tender feeling toward her never left me for a good fifteen years of my life. - Re: First Cut is the Deepest 我的爱情故事(1)posted on 02/24/2008
hi you, where is this bloody story? post again, please.
第一滴血跟随便哪一滴都差不多,每一个cut都是死里逃生。
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