刚看到赋格的这篇,心有戚焉。
去年车祸,有过一点濒死体验,另外的世界跟这里一样孤独,没有什么“终极的自己”,那里荒凉如月球,连自己的声音都听不见。
阿拉斯加的荒野凛冽残酷,除非准备好彻底自虐,寻找“终极自己”是否有点像矫情的咏叹?那里零下30多度,终极的自己就是一根冰棍儿。死容易也不容易,想要被冻死也要等好长一段时间,在那样的情形下,人的生理极限会超出想象,想死都难。曾经望见高楼,就想着如何跳下去。 可站到上面去,看见水泥地面血肉模糊,就恶心了。吃药可能会好一点,起码有点尊严,可以躺得很安详。
要去的地方没有橄榄树甚至根本没树,只有顽石灰尘。 或早或晚都去那里的,倒不如自己安排去的时间,心甘情愿的死是最美的死。死的自由若要仰仗他人的鼻息,生命无异是一场奴役。 我原本就没打算来这个世界,这完全不是我的主意,所以死的事情让我自己来决定好吗?生由不得我,死总该由着我吧?
极乐之后很快就是极苦,
焦虑不安往往在最快乐时。
年轻的侍者,别给我甜酒
我要喝最苦的那杯
为什么不deserve worldly love呢?跟赋格不同,我是拼着命去找worldly love,甚至低声下气去哀求,worldly love对我不屑一顾,他们的”爱“好贵啊。
屈服于病痛是软弱,延长病痛是疯狂,那什么才是神圣的呢?
****************
赋格
一部很多缺陷的电影,却使我感慨落泪——我不是个热爱自然的人,更不像这个片子的男主角那样对人世如此极端地厌弃,但好像在这个与我同龄的人身上看到了年轻时的自己,至少是一部分的自己。
他进入阿拉斯加荒野寻找终极的自己、最终找到死亡那一年,我刚刚开始第一次长途旅行,从尼泊尔进入西藏。我不大敢想那次旅行究竟给了我什么;至今忘不掉那几次泥石流——不是泥石流本身,而是我对危险的反应——仿佛属于另一个不相干的人的反应:迟钝,漠然,还有点失望。
这个年轻人(还有年轻时的我)对“空无的自由”的追求也许是可笑的,但我不愿嘲笑他。电影里让我感动落泪的是这样一句话:Some people feel like they don't deserve worldly love; they turn around and walk into empty wilderness.(大意)
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/18/2008
It is right.
"极乐之后很快就是极苦,
焦虑不安往往在最快乐时。" - Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/18/2008
灵魂慌慌张张,找不到出窍的孔,
所以就拿我的肉身来撒气
随血吐了出来
黄金分割,1.618~
是什么除以什么,得到我的黄金分割?
- posted on 04/18/2008
玛雅 wrote:
去年车祸,有过一点濒死体验,另外的世界跟这里一样孤独,没有什么“终极的自己”,那里荒凉如月球,连自己的声音都听不见。
Last December I fell off the roof and could have died. I was grateful I didn't. No you can't use your car accident as an excuse to exclude yourself from this world. It's so vein. You know better.
要去的地方没有橄榄树甚至根本没树,只有顽石灰尘。 或早或晚都去那里的,倒不如自己安排去的时间,心甘情愿的死是最美的死。死的自由若要仰仗他人的鼻息,生命无异是一场奴役。 我原本就没打算来这个世界,这完全不是我的主意,所以死的事情让我自己来决定好吗?生由不得我,死总该由着我吧?
为什么不deserve worldly love呢?跟赋格不同,我是拼着命去找worldly love,甚至低声下气去哀求,worldly love对我不屑一顾,他们的”爱“好贵啊。
屈服于病痛是软弱,延长病痛是疯狂,那什么才是神圣的呢?
Get away (not stay away) from it.
I don't know much about you or your life. It sounds like you need some change. Real, serious change. Repaint your walls, get some different furniture, cut your hair (or wear it long, whichever applies), get a pet, adopt a child, buy a totally different car, quit your job, go do something different or become a volunteer, cut your (TV) cable or disconnect the satellite dish, pick up a good cooking book, go back to school, join a hiking/biking/joggers club, etc, etc, anything that challenge yourself to live a different lift style. You may want to throw away your "xiaozi" mentality for a while and see how you go without it. Last but not least, chemical imbalance in the brain is common and does cause trouble. It's science, not myth. Consider seeing a psychiatrist if necessary.
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/18/2008
moab wrote:
Haha, I bet Maya has done all these, except adopting a baby perhaps. You see, there is a limit to the change :)
Worldly love 对我来说是 burden,无力偿还,得到的越多就欠下的越多,估计也是属于不 deserve 那一类的:)
- posted on 04/18/2008
Well, there is one thing Maya has never done, and, perhaps, she will not want to try after all --- change her mind :-), she just can't go along with life, she refuses to appericate life as it is.
Now, I even LOVE the pain :-)
浮生 wrote:
moab wrote:Haha, I bet Maya has done all these, except adopting a baby perhaps. You see, there is a limit to the change :)
Worldly love 对我来说是 burden,无力偿还,得到的越多就欠下的越多,估计也是属于不 deserve 那一类的:)
- posted on 04/18/2008
July wrote:
Well, there is one thing Maya has never done, and, perhaps, she will not want to try after all --- change her mind :-), she just can't go along with life, she refuses to appericate life as it is.
Are you saying "she" or "we" CAN'T just be happy, but need some sort of drama in life? :)
Now, I even LOVE the pain :-)
Then you must love my Sui Pian:)
浮生 wrote:
Worldly love 对我来说是 burden,无力偿还,得到的越多就欠下的越多,估计也是属于不 deserve 那一类的:)
What's wrong with us:))
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/18/2008
You need ask maya about this :-)
ben ben wrote:
Are you saying "she" or "we" CAN'T just be happy, but need some sort of drama in life? :)
Haha, benben is Sui Pian all over :-)
Now, I even LOVE the pain :-)Then you must love my Sui Pian:)
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/18/2008
咋听不懂,你们在参禅?
Sui Pian 是个啥咚咚呛?
July wrote:
Haha, benben is Sui Pian all over :-)
Now, I even LOVE the pain :-)Then you must love my Sui Pian:)
- posted on 04/18/2008
ben ben wrote:
Are you saying "she" or "we" CAN'T just be happy, but need some sort of drama in life? :)
I know I CAN be happy easily, without any drama. But, I get bored being happy :) 其实我觉着不 go along with life 也没什么关系,happiness本来也不是活着的目的。
What's wrong with us:))Worldly love 对我来说是 burden,无力偿还,得到的越多就欠下的越多,估计也是属于不 deserve 那一类的:)
Hmm, is there anything wrong? :) - Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
gz,suipian=碎片 - Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
玛雅 had too many loves and they are not good to her body. :) - posted on 04/19/2008
The only way is to stop seeking, stop begging, stop wanting.
stop 拼着命去找
stop 低声下气去哀求
stop 慌慌张张,找出窍的孔
stop getting away
stop refusing (to appreciate life as it is)
stop thinking
stop ...
Stop seeking what is not inside of you, especially worldly love.
Look inward, and everything you ever need is already within you.
I don't know what's wrong with everyone.
But I know that there's nothing wrong with 浮生.
In fact, she is even happy to be bored. :)
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
玛雅 wrote:
灵魂慌慌张张,找不到出窍的孔,
所以就拿我的肉身来撒气
随血吐了出来
黄金分割,1.618~
是什么除以什么,得到我的黄金分割?
玛雅,黄金分割是:0.618 + 0.382 = 1 - Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
黄金分割。这其实是一个数字的比例关系,即把一条线分为两部分,此时长段与短段之比恰恰等于整条线与长段之比,其数值比为1.618 : 1或1 : 0.618,也就是说长段的平方等于全长与短段的乘积。
dinglin2 wrote:
玛雅 wrote:玛雅,黄金分割是:0.618 + 0.382 = 1
灵魂慌慌张张,找不到出窍的孔,
所以就拿我的肉身来撒气
随血吐了出来
黄金分割,1.618~
是什么除以什么,得到我的黄金分割?
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
1/x=x/(1-x)
x^2+x-1=0
x=(-1+sqrt{5})/2=0.618
- posted on 04/19/2008
How about stop stopping....when you stop something, you start something
Look inward, and everything you ever need is already within you.Y E S , and
it takes a void state of mind to look inward
you got to be out of your mind to believe in God
you got to be out of your mind to make a good golf swing
you got to be out of your mind to be yourself
just be yourself, not the ego -- the perception of yourself ......
Everyone has their our own path of growth (towards soul maturity). All experience come with a reason, it is meant to give us lessons for further growth.
have a nice day
nobody is wrong, just different in choices and focuses
阿姗 wrote:
The only way is to stop seeking, stop begging, stop wanting.
stop 拼着命去找
stop 低声下气去哀求
stop 慌慌张张,找出窍的孔
stop getting away
stop refusing (to appreciate life as it is)
stop thinking
stop ...
Stop seeking what is not inside of you, especially worldly love.
Look inward, and everything you ever need is already within you.
I don't know what's wrong with everyone.
But I know that there's nothing wrong with 浮生.
In fact, she is even happy to be bored. :)
- Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/19/2008
我觉得玛雅用“黄金分割”这个词不是数学的意思。
有种痛的感觉,不知道满身的伤,哪一条是恰到好处,让自己认出,哦,这个就是传说中的价值意义了,灵魂在躯壳的丹炉里炼金,从那一点分割之处升华。
gz wrote:
1/x=x/(1-x)
x^2+x-1=0
x=(-1+sqrt{5})/2=0.618
- posted on 04/19/2008
书呆子们,玛雅当然不想谈什么数学。她谈的是“那个点”,自己在世界的哪个点上,到底有没有这么一个点,能不能找到这么一个点。她没有意识到的是,这个点,不是自身,它是有点外的东西来定义的,你得找到另外那一部分,将自己与之合起来,成为一个完整的“一”,那时候,你就在点上。
于是乎,0.618 还是1.618,都无所谓的,必须和另外的0.382放在一起,才出现它的意义。玛雅的问题是,她拥有得太多,得到得太多,寻找得太多,但是她没有那么个微不足道的0.382。
试试把自己定义为0.382,去找那个大的部分?
- posted on 04/19/2008
唉,这个dinglin2老师也是书呆子。点就是个固定的位置,有横竖座标的。你找到了点,就不要动了。要是你没完每了地动来动去,你就找不到点。
玛雅说的对,远方没有橄榄树,最好的橄榄树都在自家的园子里啊, 不会欣赏自己的树,就只有望洋兴叹了。
说到底, 玛雅要的就是她没有的,等她得到了,就不再是橄榄树了:-)其实,我们谁又不是呢?只是大部分人会爱惜自己,不会没完没了底给自己找麻烦罢了。
dinglin2 wrote:
书呆子们,玛雅当然不想谈什么数学。她谈的是“那个点”,自己在世界的哪个点上,到底有没有这么一个点,能不能找到这么一个点。她没有意识到的是,这个点,不是自身,它是有点外的东西来定义的,你得找到另外那一部分,将自己与之合起来,成为一个完整的“一”,那时候,你就在点上。
于是乎,0.618 还是1.618,都无所谓的,必须和另外的0.382放在一起,才出现它的意义。玛雅的问题是,她拥有得太多,得到得太多,寻找得太多,但是她没有那么个微不足道的0.382。
试试把自己定义为0.382,去找那个大的部分?
- posted on 04/19/2008
唉,这个dinglin2老师也是书呆子。点就是个固定的位置,有横竖座标的。你找到了点,就不要动了。要是你没完没了地动来动去,你就找不到点。
玛雅说的对,远方没有橄榄树,最好的橄榄树都在自家的园子里啊, 不会欣赏自己的树,就只有望洋兴叹了。
说到底, 玛雅要的就是她没有的,等她得到了,就不再是橄榄树了:-)其实,我们谁又不是呢?只是大部分人会爱惜自己,不会没完没了底给自己找麻烦罢了。
dinglin2 wrote:
书呆子们,玛雅当然不想谈什么数学。她谈的是“那个点”,自己在世界的哪个点上,到底有没有这么一个点,能不能找到这么一个点。她没有意识到的是,这个点,不是自身,它是有点外的东西来定义的,你得找到另外那一部分,将自己与之合起来,成为一个完整的“一”,那时候,你就在点上。
于是乎,0.618 还是1.618,都无所谓的,必须和另外的0.382放在一起,才出现它的意义。玛雅的问题是,她拥有得太多,得到得太多,寻找得太多,但是她没有那么个微不足道的0.382。
试试把自己定义为0.382,去找那个大的部分?
- posted on 04/19/2008
I am afraid it's easier said than done, that is, if she has the will power or is physiologically capable, which doesn't seem to be the case. "If you can't change the world, change your self; If you can't change your self, change the world" .
阿姗 wrote:
The only way is to stop seeking, stop begging, stop wanting.
stop 拼着命去找
stop 低声下气去哀求
stop 慌慌张张,找出窍的孔
stop getting away
stop refusing (to appreciate life as it is)
stop thinking
stop ...
Stop seeking what is not inside of you, especially worldly love.
Look inward, and everything you ever need is already within you. - Re: 远方没有橄榄树posted on 04/19/2008
这幅画名叫"El Adivinador" or "The Fortune Teller"(卜卦者),画家是智利人名叫Claudio Bravo。昨晚整理旧书时翻出来的。忘记怎么得到这本画册的,大概是在纽约街角捡回来的。我收了那么多破书,租了房子就为了存这些东东。
我对灵异的画特别感兴趣,看到周宇贴的那些图,喜欢。
一个戴黄头巾的摩洛哥女子在问卜,她对面是一个看不到脸戴尖帽子的卜卦者。那种衣服很多北非男人都穿的,这图让我想起在摩洛哥时的一个故事。 - Re: 远方没有橄榄树posted on 04/19/2008
刚才说到流浪,翻画册就翻到这幅图。“流浪”这词太浪漫,赋格现在大概就在路上。流浪到底是什么样的呢?其实就是这样的。 - posted on 04/22/2008
我有很多一念之差的时候。但没想过死。怎么说呢,找不到事业,实现不了愿望,也
不是所有时候都能体会求知的快乐,那也不死。我还很喜欢男人。
如果能做某一件事,好过一般水平,又能帮助别人的话,估计别无它求了。
浮生 wrote:
ben ben wrote:I know I CAN be happy easily, without any drama. But, I get bored being happy :) 其实我觉着不 go along with life 也没什么关系,happiness本来也不是活着的目的。
Are you saying "she" or "we" CAN'T just be happy, but need some sort of drama in life? :)
Hmm, is there anything wrong? :)What's wrong with us:))Worldly love 对我来说是 burden,无力偿还,得到的越多就欠下的越多,估计也是属于不 deserve 那一类的:) - posted on 04/22/2008
you are brilliant.
rzp wrote:
How about stop stopping....when you stop something, you start something
Look inward, and everything you ever need is already within you.Y E S , and
it takes a void state of mind to look inward
you got to be out of your mind to believe in God
you got to be out of your mind to make a good golf swing
you got to be out of your mind to be yourself
just be yourself, not the ego -- the perception of yourself ......
Everyone has their our own path of growth (towards soul maturity). All experience come with a reason, it is meant to give us lessons for further growth.
have a nice day
nobody is wrong, just different in choices and focuses
没错, 不一样的只是表面。生活我们都差不多。不同的是自己的感受,由自己决
定。
- Re: 远方没有橄榄树posted on 04/22/2008
玛雅 wrote:
屈服于病痛是软弱,延长病痛是疯狂,那什么才是神圣的呢?
表面上是跟命运在抗争,实际上往往是对自己的征战,但走到哪里也逃不开自己,所以还是不要逃吧。接纳自己,云淡风清。 - Re: 玛雅的“为什么流浪”posted on 04/23/2008
xiaoman wrote:
gz,suipian=碎片
谢!有典吗?
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