A Little Background
It is important to record her behavior for further analysis. This is what I have learnt after three years being a parent of a daughter who needs IEP.
It is now the fall of 2008, Tiff is 11 years old, and she is in the 6th Grade, first year of Middle school (Junior High).
IEP, Individual Educational Plan, is a term used by local school district. It is a tailored plan running parallel to the curriculum of the school for the majority - here it means those who do not have IEP.
In our school district, there is no IEP for kids who need more challenge work academically, in some areas of New York city and suburban, it is referred as "gift and talented" or "enrichment program".
The running series of memoir here, if continued, may not go by date, or complete, however, may serve as a case study of an American public school. Feedback and comments are welcome, especially, in the area related to general education issues in middle schools, and on middle school kids – preteen kids.
First Day Late for Middle School, "Dumbmo"
2008.10.03
Today, Tiff missed the school bus. Not only she missed the bus, she will be late for school. It is the first time this school year she is late for school. It is partially my fault, since I did not wake up on time either. It was almost 8am when I opened my eye, scenes of my dream still vivid, -- one of those moment when I had to think hard to pull myself out of a dream.
When I turned in the school, the passing guard let me make the right turn there. I knew we are quite late, usually, I have to make a detour to turn in from the other side of the school, and I missed the rush hour of the school traffic already. The good thing as that Tiff probably did not realize it, but she was already nervous. "Tiff, it is ok, just get on to whatever you need to do and makeup whatever you missed later when you have a chance. " When I dropped her off the circle outside her building, it was 8:15 already. She was 5 minutes late. There are two cars in front of me, and five kids walking towards the door.
"lots of kids late." I tired to sound casual.
"only several." she corrected me.
"It happens, sometimes, to everyone." I continued, not very sure if UI am going the right direction.
"Just like them?" she pushed the car door open.
"yeah, watch, there is someone behind you. …bye" I was watching three kids got into the side door, and another kids walking up to her from behind. She was on the sidewalk already.
I supposed she would follow them into the side door; it is the quickest way to get to her home room. While I was driving slowly following the car before me, I saw her walking to the front door. I rolled down the window, and called out her name.
When she turned back, I pointed to the side door and told her, "That is a quicker way." She turned and walked towards the side door, holding the half open door, turning around and faced me. She was saying something, from her expression; I knew she was not happy on me telling her where to go. All I heard was the end of her saying: "dumbmo".
I turned away from her, and drove a little more, turned back to the school building. Surprisedly I saw her walking quickly towards the front door! What made her decide to take that path, even after she already stood by the side door? Similar things had happened in elementary school. For me, it is no-brainer, to take the shortest path to your destination when you are late.
In the following picture, it shows where the doors are and where she needs to go (her home room). The blue line shows the shortest path, and the yellow-green line shows what she actually took.
My guess is that she was avoiding passing more rooms with her classmates. There are four classes in her grade in this building ("house" is the term they use there.) Her home room (Math, the room she needs to go at the beginning of the day) is the opposite from the English room. The room sizes in the picture are not in the right proportion, they are equal size rooms. Taking the long path allows her to enter her room without passing two more rooms full of her classmates first.
This is one of the old dilemmas for her. She has trouble entering a room if she is "late". As soon as there is a group of people there already, she could not make her herself join the group, unless the whole environment is still in chaos. She could not overcome the fear or discomfort that "Everyone is looking at me."
Calling me "Dumbmo", half joking half real, is one of the new things she adapted from middle school. I actually tried to look up this word, did not get a real take of it.
Arriving late for school is so bad for her that it has actually been listed (over the past two years) as one of the objective in her IEP. It casts a big psychological impact on her for the whole day in school. I could not believe that we had so many late days through one not-that-long school year. I often think that it is more of my failure to be responsible. This is why I feel that it is important to record every late day.
Looking back, there is not a single day I should have let her be late. The key is to get up on time (set a realistic not aggressive wake up time.) Today, we missed it. Not only we missed it, but we spent extra time to let her go back home to pick up a form she left behind.
I did not remind her to check her bag and all stuff ready last night. (yes, it sounds "dumbmo" but it is one of my very important daily tasks for her. ) When I drove the car out of the driveway. I remember the form she forgot, the form her teacher emailed me and asked me (extra reminder from the school side is also content of her IEP) to make sure she brought that back to school. I asked her about the form, I supposed she checked. There was another chance for me to stop by our side door so she could get it. It is about 350ft to get out the driveway, drive around the house until reaching the side door. 50 ft passing the house, I double checked, "so Tiff, you have the form, right?" She said "no, but I am late."
The street is narrow, I backed car towards the house. I told her that she promised the teacher, I promised the teacher, the form needs to be in today. There were three cars driving pass me, while I was backing. It slowed me down a little. The side door was not locked, she actually took less than a minute to get down the car, open the side gate, ran into the kitchen, grabbed the page on the counter and ran back to the car.
Just a side note for the form: it is a form parent has to sign for them to use the school computer. I do not recall we need to sign such thing in elementary school. I did not know there is such form until I received the email from school, and apparently it was way overdue.
- Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/03/2008
an interesting compelling piece, you wrote it yourself or it is a zt? - Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/03/2008
I wrote it, true story.:) --even the picture is the true picture of the school.
(I always state the source or mark "zt" when I zted.......)
feiming wrote:
an interesting compelling piece, you wrote it yourself or it is a zt? - posted on 10/03/2008
Rzp mm
She might be just dreading the moment of entering the room. In her mind, all she try to do is to delay the time as much as possible even it may not make sense to us.
Middle school is even harder fro high EQ kids, Their awareness for the intricate social situation is so acute so that they suffer more. they are affected more by what is normal up and down of human relationship.
How is she after the school? Did she feel OK after all? Sometimes, it may not be the bad thing for her to experience discomfort once a while. So she learn that sky is not falling down after all, things not as bad as she have thought.
rzp wrote:
My guess is that she was avoiding passing more rooms with her classmates. There are four classes in her grade in this building ("house" is the term they use there.) Her home room (Math, the room she needs to go at the beginning of the day) is the opposite from the English room. The room sizes in the picture are not in the right proportion, they are equal size rooms. Taking the long path allows her to enter her room without passing two more rooms full of her classmates already.
This is one of the old dilemmas for her. She has trouble entering a room if she is "late". As soon as there is a group of people there already, she could not make her herself join the group, unless the whole environment is still in chaos. She could not overcome the fear or discomfort that "Everyone is looking at me."
- posted on 10/04/2008
Thank you caoye.
She came back cheerfully. 1) She did not need to go to the nurse office like before in elementary school. 2) there were five minutes left in home room, and she did not miss any work. Home room session is only ten minutes, and "we talked only, no work." 3) When I asked what did Mr. Saya say when she walked in, she said "he did not say anything!" I guess the late arrival did not cause her trouble as before, because "no body was looking at her."
I asked her why she did not take the side door, she said because there was a door inside which was locked. I do not recall there is another door inside. I asked if she was afraind to pass the other two classes. she answered right away "No. I am not afraid of my friends." I said "oh, mommy was dumbmo." I started feeling silly for al the guess and concern I had. Then I asked "How did those several kids before you got in?" she said they are 7th and 8th grader, they went upstairs. I remembered there is indeed a metal gate on the stair going down. That was when I realized what happened. I told her "but your floor is also going up, only it is several steps up, not UPstair." She said "Oh!!" she still seemed happy.
She has been taking the bus to school. She probably never took the side door before, I took her to exit the building from there once. I guess it is resonable to assume that it is normal for her to think her floor is downstairs, under the situation that she was late.
caoye wrote:
Rzp mm
She might be just dreading the moment of entering the room. In her mind, all she try to do is to delay the time as much as possible even it may not make sense to us.
Middle school is even harder fro high EQ kids, Their awareness for the intricate social situation is so acute so that they suffer more. they are affected more by what is normal up and down of human relationship.
How is she after the school? Did she feel OK after all? Sometimes, it may not be the bad thing for her to experience discomfort once a while. So she learn that sky is not falling down after all, things not as bad as she have thought.
- Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/05/2008
any more info on IEP?
what is the Chinese parallel?
oral english is so difficult for me,i have to read 2 or more times to get the whole idea.:))) - Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/05/2008
Sorry, it was a quick log. Will clean it up when I go back to read it again. If you got specific questions, I will try to explain also.
Will give more details on school information in Chinese also. - posted on 10/05/2008
IEP (Individualized Education Program)"个别教育计划". 原始意义上的个别教育计划是美国1975年颁布的"全体障碍儿童教育法案"中的一项内容,是指由地方教育部门的代表、学校教师、心理学工作者、医生、社会工作者以及家长或监护人组成的小组为残疾障碍儿童制定的一份书面教育计划,这个计划既是儿童教育和身心全面发展的总体构想,又是对儿童实施教育的具体方案.
中国的特殊教育好像还没有进入普通公立学校吧? IEP可以肯定是没有的,不过在很多家长的努力下,家长与学校/老师间有做类似的工作, 不过没有立法保障和其他社会资源。
我所知道的IEP都是对于有各种残障的孩子的, 对于那些超出同年龄段平均智力的孩子们是否也有IEP不太清楚,只知道有各种“资优班”和“先修课程”。 我家孩子们正好“占”了“两头”,儿子有Autism, 每年都要开IEP会,女儿则每年要选进什么“班”。 我也听说中学生活对我们特殊需要孩子的挑战,我已经开始搜集资料,并计划在儿子六年级(我们这个学区6年级在小学里)下半年开始接触中学老师,做一些访问,和邀请中学老师来参加IEP会议; 还要为孩子做一个PCP (Personal Center Program),这是一个得到政府资助的项目(我住在华盛顿州),为特殊需要的孩子(包括成人)建立一个 “个人手册”。
RZP 还有什么好的建议?
- Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/05/2008
特殊教育的核心要素是爱,培养爱的课堂氛围,共同建立爱的信仰。宽容,赞赏,感恩等是爱的具体形式。 - posted on 10/05/2008
汐汐 wrote:谢谢汐汐的解释。我原来没有在意IEP的来源去脉,看了你的解释后也去查了一下。
IEP (Individualized Education Program)"个别教育计划". 原始意义上的个别教育计划是.......
RZP 还有什么好的建议?
这是我们当地校区对IEP的解释:
An Individual Educational Plan (IEP), which addresses the unique needs of the individual learner, is drawn up for all children who have difficulties affecting their ability to learn. The IEP for every student is reviewed annually; the District conducts a comprehensive re-evaluation every three years. On the average, about 400 school-age children and 100 pre-school children with identified disabilities have IEP’s to guide their education each year.
这是网上查来的:
IEP:
Individualized Education Plan. Under federal law governing special education, every child in public schools who is determined through assessment to have special mental disability needs has an IEP. An IEP is typically developed by a team of professionals that may include special education teachers, physical, occupational and speech therapists, psychologists, parents or guardians, and others who may be called on to provide expertise. The team meets at least once a year to set goals for the next school year and to assess progress on already established goals. Parents who are not satisfied with school-based assessments have the right to ask for independent assessments that must be paid for by the school system.
It is an Individual Education Program. This is mandated for every child with a disability by the American Disabilities Act. A school is required to develop a curriculum for the child and meet with the parents to discuss the child's progress. Different helps for the child are considered and approved or rejected as not necessary. This program is intended to give every child with a disability the best chance to succeed.
加上就我和汐汐知道的具体个例(学校和孩子)情况解释清楚了,国内的朋友自然可以知道有没有相应的东西。
(待续) - Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/06/2008
If you are worried about your daughter, you can always go to the class to observe.
When my sons were in a preschool, I became quite concerned after observing something that I did not like. It turns out that my suspicion is correct, and I made a decision to change school as soon as possible. - posted on 10/06/2008
IEP, Individual Educational Plan, is a term used by local school district. It is a tailored plan running parallel to the curriculum of the school for the majority - here it means those who do not have IEP.
In our school district, there is no IEP for kids who need more challenge work academically, in some areas of New York city and suburban, it is referred as "gift and talented" or "enrichment program".=======
根据rzp搜索来的资料看,IEP更多的和disability有关。
另,rzp jj,我的意思不是说你写得不好,主要是不生活在英语环境里,理解力不好。
and dumbmo?fool or other meanings?
cannot find it in the dict.:))
also thanks for 汐汐。
- posted on 10/07/2008
中学第一年即使对“入流”的孩子也是很具挑战。在我们这,是五间小学合成一间中学,但中学里又分成四个堂--分校(他们叫Houses),来自同一小学的孩子们被故意打乱均分。许多Popular Girls都要哭一两个月说是没有朋友。每天的日程变了,主课文数社科小学里基本上一个老师,现在分成四个老师。小学里在同一个教室上,现在要去不同的教室。每一节课之间没有铃声。五年级要结束时,学校组织了几次五年级学生去中学参观,一天模拟上学,请中学的学生来现身说法。我们每年IEP至少开两次会,每次开会的团队包括:直接责任老师(小学时是班主任,中学是统管几个班的Counselor),特别教育老师(Learning Resource Teacher),语言专家(Speech Specialist),心理医生,家长和家长代表(Parent Representative)。除了家长方面,其它是校方人员。家长代表是由其它家长自愿,当事家长也选择了才请其出席的。如果双方有强烈争议项目,可能校区特别教育部也会有人出席。
在小学结束前,学校的最后一个IEP会是中小学联席,只是来的中学特别教育老师不是以后负责女儿的那几个(关于这里学校的设置会另外解释)。所以我特别又要求了一个这样的只有她中学老师的联席会,向他们介绍女儿以及询问我们关注的一些问题。另外还个别带女儿到学校几次,熟悉地形和操练每天的日程。同样的会议开学一个多月后又要求一次。开学前,虽然校方说,每个有IEP的孩子档案会从小学传到中学,我还是将我自己整理的半寸厚的女儿各种有关报告的资料送到有关老师手上。我的出发点是,校方和家长交流很重要,能够有效交流,他们对孩子背景的了解是第一步。
汐汐 wrote:
我也听说中学生活对我们特殊需要孩子的挑战,我已经开始搜集资料,并计划在儿子六年级(我们这个学区6年级在小学里)下半年开始接触中学老师,做一些访问,和邀请中学老师来参加IEP会议; 还要为孩子做一个PCP (Personal Center Program),这是一个得到政府资助的项目(我住在华盛顿州),为特殊需要的孩子(包括成人)建立一个 “个人手册”。
RZP 还有什么好的建议?
青冈,disability就是汐汐所说的残障。虽是联邦条款但在各州各校根据当地具体情况可能衡量的标准不一样。
dumbmo是口语,俚语。根据我女儿的说法,Dumbmo is somesone who is not so smart or who is doing something he/she is not supposed to do otherwise. 在我们之间是一种玩笑的称谓,有点象:小笨蛋、大笨蛋。
qinggang wrote:
根据rzp搜索来的资料看,IEP更多的和disability有关。
另,rzp jj,我的意思不是说你写得不好,主要是不生活在英语环境里,理解力不好。
and dumbmo?fool or other meanings?
cannot find it in the dict.:)) - Re: 【为人父母】中学札记 Preteen Daysposted on 10/07/2008
RZP always has wonderful stories to share with us.
I have a daughter who just started 7th grade this fall too. Your story though makes me feel very guilty. I must confess that I’m not a good parent; nor am I a good husband. I think it’s a miracle that I have not been fired by my family members. Each day I am grateful for the miracle with a renewed sense of joy while continuing to feel helplessly the growing pain of guilt.
rzp wrote: - posted on 10/07/2008
我儿子的初中每日有7个periods. English,Math, Science and History 四个core subjects, 然后PE(体育课), 还有2门选修课(在Spanish,French,Orchestra,Band,chorus ,Arts, Computer, Tech exploration, Foods, newspaper ,leaderships , Studing hall 等等里挑2门),每个core class有约20-25个学生。选修课根据受欢迎的程度, 学生人数不一。另外还有课后Sports teams。
每个class 45 分钟, 4 分钟课间时间。 因为每个课分散在不同教室,上好一颗就马上要收拾文具,快步到另一教室, 慢一点就会迟到。每个科目是不同的老师和同学。 他的英文课的同学不是他数学课的同学。数学班分4个不同程度的班,最好的跟八年级的同学一起上。其他的科目不分程度。 每天早上有10分钟的home room。学习差的同学课后要留下tutorial class。当然还有IEP, counseling, Speach Therapy等。每个学校配有教育心理学医生, 有问题的孩子学校负责免费测试。还有做心理质询(正常的孩子有时也需要)
rzp
IEP的孩子是在学习上有特殊需要孩子,残障的说法可能会让国内的网友误解。很多只是simple learning disability 并不是通俗意味的残障。
rzp wrote:
青冈,disability就是汐汐所说的残障。虽是联邦条款但在各州各校根据当地具体情况可能衡量的标准不一样。
dumbmo是口语,俚语。根据我女儿的说法,Dumbmo is somesone who is not so smart or who is doing something he/she is not supposed to do otherwise. 在我们之间是一种玩笑的称谓,有点象:小笨蛋、大笨蛋。
- posted on 10/09/2008
rzp wrote:美国学校管的真细致,我女儿所在的学校除了布置作业什么的其他都不太管。
中学第一年即使对“入流”的孩子也是很具挑战。在我们这,是五间小学合成一间中学,但中学里又分成四个堂--分校(他们叫Houses),来自同一小学的孩子们被故意打乱均分。许多Popular Girls都要哭一两个月说是没有朋友。每天的日程变了,主课文数社科小学里基本上一个老师,现在分成四个老师。小学里在同一个教室上,现在要去不同的教室。每一节课之间没有铃声。五年级要结束时,学校组织了几次五年级学生去中学参观,一天模拟上学,请中学的学生来现身说法。我们每年IEP至少开两次会,每次开会的团队包括:直接责任老师(小学时是班主任,中学是统管几个班的Counselor),特别教育老师(Learning Resource Teacher),语言专家(Speech Specialist),心理医生,家长和家长代表(Parent Representative)。除了家长方面,其它是校方人员。家长代表是由其它家长自愿,当事家长也选择了才请其出席的。如果双方有强烈争议项目,可能校区特别教育部也会有人出席。
在小学结束前,学校的最后一个IEP会是中小学联席,只是来的中学特别教育老师不是以后负责女儿的那几个(关于这里学校的设置会另外解释)。所以我特别又要求了一个这样的只有她中学老师的联席会,向他们介绍女儿以及询问我们关注的一些问题。另外还个别带女儿到学校几次,熟悉地形和操练每天的日程。同样的会议开学一个多月后又要求一次。开学前,虽然校方说,每个有IEP的孩子档案会从小学传到中学,我还是将我自己整理的半寸厚的女儿各种有关报告的资料送到有关老师手上。我的出发点是,校方和家长交流很重要,能够有效交流,他们对孩子背景的了解是第一步。
- posted on 10/10/2008
Fengzi, don't feel guilty, your mental support would mean a lot for them. I had to quit working because my husband has been so busy that he could not take any physical responsibility related to our daughter. He did make the last IEP meeting at the elementary school, late for 20 minutes though, 10 of them was spent on looking for the meeting room -- he did not even know where was the school office. It is a luxury for my daughter to have daddy show up in her chorus or orchestra concert, even being late. For the past two+ weeks, she has been missing him at the dinner table......Still, she loves her daddy. Just yesterday, she protested for him -- "No, daddy is not a fat cat, he is a skinny cat".
Fengzi wrote:
RZP always has wonderful stories to share with us.
I have a daughter who just started 7th grade this fall too. Your story though makes me feel very guilty. I must confess that I’m not a good parent; nor am I a good husband. I think it’s a miracle that I have not been fired by my family members. Each day I am grateful for the miracle with a renewed sense of joy while continuing to feel helplessly the growing pain of guilt.
rzp wrote: - posted on 10/10/2008
草叶说的是,通俗意味的残障应该是指很严重的。在我们校区,只要父母决定让孩子在学校上学,学校只能收,不论是通俗意味的残障,还是learning disability,都是在IEP范畴之内。IEP的形式在这里有几种,另一帖再介绍。
六年级作息表 先说说这里初中跟草叶儿子的初中对应的每日作息(periods)。
从早上8时到下午2时半,先是10分钟Homeroom,然后分8个时段(periods),每段48分钟。分别是:
1. 主科之一
2. 主科之一
3. 副科季度课之一
4. 午餐、午休(自由活动)各24分钟
5. 主科之一
6. 主科之一
7. 音乐和体育隔天交替
音乐要选四种之一:音乐探索(Exploring Music),管乐队(Band),弦乐队(String Orchestra),声乐(Chorus)
8. 辅科(随主流上课的IEP学生的特殊教育内容也在这一时段进行)。
六年级学生不按学习程度分班,孩子们被“平均”分成每主副科科四个班,每班20人左右,上不同科跟不同班的孩子上,所以100个孩子里,最多只有1-2个孩子四科都同时上的。体育和音乐则跟另外一个分校合上。下午课后许多老师提供一小时课外辅导,学生志愿留下参加。数学老师还给数学超前学生提供挑战性内容。
四门主科(Core Curriculum): 英文(English: Literature, Writing, Public Speaking)
社史(Social Studies)
数学(Math)
科学(Science)
副科(Extended Curriculum): 季度课(Quarterly) 每课用一季度(四分之一学年)时间
艺术(Art )
家教(Family and Consumer Science )
健康(Health )
技术(Technology)
外语(Foreign Language )七年级开始 (每天外国语言课,或每周两天外语文化课)
图书馆(Library )不固定、集中时间
音乐(Music )隔天一课
体育(Physical Education)隔天一课
辅助科目(Ancillary Programs): 特殊教育(Special Education)
英语作为二外(English as a Second Language)
课外活动(Extra-Curriculular Clubs and Activities)
改良竞技(Modified Athletics)
学生会(Student Organization)
草叶 wrote:
我儿子的初中每日有7个periods. English,Math, Science and History 四个core subjects, 然后PE(体育课), 还有2门选修课(在Spanish,French,Orchestra,Band,chorus ,Arts, Computer, Tech exploration, Foods, newspaper ,leaderships , Studing hall 等等里挑2门),每个core class有约20-25个学生。选修课根据受欢迎的程度, 学生人数不一。另外还有课后Sports teams。
每个class 45 分钟, 4 分钟课间时间。 因为每个课分散在不同教室,上好一颗就马上要收拾文具,快步到另一教室, 慢一点就会迟到。每个科目是不同的老师和同学。 他的英文课的同学不是他数学课的同学。数学班分4个不同程度的班,最好的跟八年级的同学一起上。其他的科目不分程度。 每天早上有10分钟的home room。学习差的同学课后要留下tutorial class。当然还有IEP, counseling, Speach Therapy等。每个学校配有教育心理学医生, 有问题的孩子学校负责免费测试。还有做心理质询(正常的孩子有时也需要)
rzp
IEP的孩子是在学习上有特殊需要孩子,残障的说法可能会让国内的网友误解。很多只是simple learning disability 并不是通俗意味的残障。
rzp wrote:
青冈,disability就是汐汐所说的残障。虽是联邦条款但在各州各校根据当地具体情况可能衡量的标准不一样。
dumbmo是口语,俚语。根据我女儿的说法,Dumbmo is somesone who is not so smart or who is doing something he/she is not supposed to do otherwise. 在我们之间是一种玩笑的称谓,有点象:小笨蛋、大笨蛋。
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