因果
一杯浓茶,让午夜显露原形
让枕边不眠的旧书,辗转至末页
陪我重读老式的尾声,体会最后一枚铅字
的滴血,与事前交代的线索、人物,怎样未发生纠葛
一如1989年的冬至,你坐在宽大的阅览桌对面
合拢同一册书的封底,用眼神告诉我
时间也有两只手,左侧的预知痛感
而我们总依赖它的右手,来遮掩,再借助细密的钉子
进行缝合——譬如今宵之残月,适宜补神,水星轮空的天象
分明提醒我,用以筑梦的石头,已所剩不多
曾经一起企待的,你亲手在竹节上,铭记的那个遥远日期
正飞速逼近我们的想象,我甚至无法确认,它是否
已经擦身而过,恰似书中特写的,精心设计之
要害情节,在我每一遍阅读时,反复错过的
他们相遇的缘起,于现实意义中
更令人无策,像失去判断的碎茶片,忐忑不安
尽管我们终于学会,泰然接受又一个结果
雷同地,自寡淡的杯底现身
A cup of thick tea, in betraying the naked face of midnight
helps thumb through my bedside book to its final page,
accustoming me once again with the unfashionable ending,
so I can sip the last print letter as
if a drip of blood, plus its failure for not even attempting an episode
in the interest of all plots and persons aforementioned.
This nearly replicates one particular wintry day in 1989,
while sitting across from a library desk,
you closed up the same volume, then eyed me with a hint
about how time does offer two hands, its left to foretell pain,
but we forever choose to count on the right hand, for covering up
before any stitches make amends for --- such as, waning crescent of this moon
is said to balance spirit, and the celestial map less Mercury’s presence
somberly admonishes me, that stones left for making dreams
are rather going fast. An once seemingly remote date
that you tagged on purpose, is soaring by our imagination as we speak.
But I couldn’t even feel a vague assurance, whether it has narrowly escaped us,
precisely as what the book intended for, through a calculated scheme leading to
their encounter, which was but repeatedly missed during my each browsing.
Whereas in realism, it so frustrates me with the loss of
all directional senses, just like tea leaves drifting aimlessly up and down,
despite our lastly acquired willingness to admit, whatever consequence shall flare up
indistinguishably, from the bleak bottom of the tea cup.
2009.1
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
Brovo, 老瓦 still young :-) - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
老哇的诗歌语言很糯,好!
可是不能光调戏自己的情感而无所事事啊。;) - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
你的诗挺粗壮有力的,纤维很有韧劲,我喜欢。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
老瓦这首与以往有变化。不错。
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
哈,男人看出糯,女人看出韧,浪漫的看出年轻,精灵的看出变化。我也很喜欢这首,没理由。:)
touche wrote:
可是不能光调戏自己的情感而无所事事啊。;)
那你让他干嘛呢,革命吗?他连自己的鼻子都救不了。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
我也想到了他的鼻子。读他的诗,就明白了他鼻子的病因。咖啡的烂鼻子情圣哪。;)
诸位周末好,下周再捣浆糊。
浮生 wrote:
哈,男人看出糯,女人看出韧,浪漫的看出年轻,精灵的看出变化。我也很喜欢这首,没理由。:)
touche wrote:那你让他干嘛呢,革命吗?他连自己的鼻子都救不了。
可是不能光调戏自己的情感而无所事事啊。;) - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/09/2009
切,几个字就让上当了,看来你们还都年轻:))
当然 touche 除外,牙口不好的人,挑啥都找软糯的。最出彩是看到慧元同学的留言,百年不遇哈,像撞到星星一样:)))
谢谢阅读,周末愉快! - posted on 01/10/2009
被沉痛地感动。老瓦的这杯浓茶,让众多接近午夜的咖啡豆们现了原型。:)
瓦诗的节奏断句特别让人难忘,语言所营造的空间也相当大--用现在咖啡里流行的评论语言来说。:-)老瓦的诗比较容易让人接近(大概因为情感),也不难懂,但给人留下的回味余地也是很大的。还有一个观察,老瓦不是现代派,更不是后现代。可见非现代派的东西我也是能喜欢的。:-)
诗歌应该还是有情的,比如我读艾略特的诗,还有玛雅兄弟红河的诗,情绪一下子就能被调动起来,觉得马上就要随着他们开始一段旅程,就是上刀山下火海也要去。:)
老瓦 wrote:
因果
一杯浓茶,让午夜显露原形 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/10/2009
还是那句老话:老瓦应该可以写长篇叙事诗。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/11/2009
老实说,没有看懂。:(
不过,我很喜欢这两句:
时间也有两只手,左侧的预知痛感
而我们总依赖它的右手,来遮掩,再借助细密的钉子
进行缝合
周末愉快,班长! - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/11/2009
xiaoman wrote:
老实说,没有看懂。:(
代沟啊!:-)我也喜欢小曼引的这两句。我只是对那个所谓的日期不确定,其他自以为都看懂了。
八爷说得有道理,难怪我读老瓦的诗觉得有看电影的感觉。
不过,说实话,心里本来就很烦,老瓦的诗只能使人情绪更低落。:-)
不过,我很喜欢这两句:
时间也有两只手,左侧的预知痛感
而我们总依赖它的右手,来遮掩,再借助细密的钉子
进行缝合
周末愉快,班长! - posted on 01/11/2009
I feel sinful to have missed such a good piece. Great!
老瓦 wrote:
因果
一杯浓茶,让午夜显露原形
让枕边不眠的旧书,辗转至末页
陪我重读老式的尾声,体会最后一枚铅字
的滴血,与事前交代的线索、人物,怎样未发生纠葛
一如1989年的冬至,你坐在宽大的阅览桌对面
合拢同一册书的封底,用眼神告诉我
时间也有两只手,左侧的预知痛感
而我们总依赖它的右手,来遮掩,再借助细密的钉子
进行缝合——比如今宵之残月,适宜补神,水星轮空的天象
分明提醒我,用以筑梦的石头,已所剩不多
曾经一起企待的,你亲手在竹节上,铭记的那个遥远日期
正飞速逼近我们的想象,我甚至无法确认,它是否
已经擦身而过,恰似书中特写的,精心设计之
要害情节,在我每一遍阅读时,反复错过的
他们相遇的缘起,于现实意义中
更令人无策,像失去判断的碎茶片,忐忑不安
尽管我们终于学会,泰然接受又一个结果
雷同地,自寡淡的杯底现身
2009.1
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/11/2009
鼓掌!
一杯浓茶,让午夜显露原形
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/11/2009
喜欢老瓦在风格上的新探索。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/11/2009
小曼,原诗好像有个typo,如果改成1999年,你肯定能懂了:))
touche说我无所事事,99教授又要叙事,所以还得托大家帮忙,把那啥事儿抖出来给参考参考?:)
谢各位阅读(伤了情绪的自行负责:)) - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 01/23/2009
这是我最喜欢的一首。 - posted on 10/23/2009
再翻译了一把。
*****************************************
Karma
A cup of thick tea, in betraying the naked face of midnight
helps thumb through my bedside book to its final page,
accustoming me once again with the unfashionable ending,
so I can sip the last print letter as
if a drip of blood, plus its failure for not even attempting an episode
in the interest of all plots and persons aforementioned.
This nearly replicates one particular wintry day in 1989,
while sitting across from a library desk,
you closed up the same volume, then eyed me with a hint
about how time does offer two hands, its left to foretell pain,
but we forever choose to count on the right hand, for covering up
before any stitches make amends for --- such as, waning crescent of this moon
is said to balance spirit, and the celestial map less Mercury’s presence
somberly admonishes me, that stones left for making dreams
are rather going fast. An once seemingly remote date
that you tagged on purpose, is soaring by our imagination as we speak.
But I couldn’t even feel a vague assurance, whether it has narrowly escaped us,
precisely as what the book intended for, through a calculated scheme leading to
their encounter, which was but repeatedly missed during my each browsing.
Whereas in realism, it so frustrates me with the loss of
all directional senses, just like tea leaves drifting aimlessly up and down,
despite our lastly acquired willingness to admit, whatever consequence shall flare up
indistinguishably, from the bleak bottom of the tea cup.
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 10/23/2009
Just realized, 1789, 1989, 还都是那春夏之交的事。
老瓦新译比旧译流畅多了,但还是中文自在些,这个路数很好,还有
点金斯堡的向日葵经。。。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/19/2011
旧酒装新瓶:
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/19/2011
多谢肯定。翻译总是自找苦吃的差事。
金斯堡是艾未未那一伙的吧?有待找时间瞻仰瞻仰。
Just realized, 1789, 1989, 还都是那春夏之交的事。
老瓦新译比旧译流畅多了,但还是中文自在些,这个路数很好,还有
点金斯堡的向日葵经。。。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/19/2011
dup
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
Morricone's evocative tune goes very well with your nostalgic poem. - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
老莫不嫌我嘴碎,我也不嫌他啰嗦:))
其实这个曲子本来的长度只有三分钟,中间几小节被我重复借用了,让老莫的一世英名,也背上一个啰嗦。凑合顺耳就行,文字不太煞他的风景就行,多谢!
遠山 wrote:
Morricone's evocative tune goes very well with your nostalgic poem. - posted on 05/20/2011
"accustoming me once again with the unfashionable ending, "
you mean "accompanying me ..."?
"unfashionable ending" ?
Would it be better as "old fashioned ending"?
The Chinese version is better than the English one.
只是路过。。。
老瓦 wrote:
再翻译了一把。
*****************************************
Karma
A cup of thick tea, in betraying the naked face of midnight
helps thumb through my bedside book to its final page,
accustoming me once again with the unfashionable ending,
so I can sip the last print letter as
if a drip of blood, plus its failure for not even attempting an episode
in the interest of all plots and persons aforementioned.
This nearly replicates one particular wintry day in 1989,
while sitting across from a library desk,
you closed up the same volume, then eyed me with a hint
about how time does offer two hands, its left to foretell pain,
but we forever choose to count on the right hand, for covering up
before any stitches make amends for --- such as, waning crescent of this moon
is said to balance spirit, and the celestial map less Mercury’s presence
somberly admonishes me, that stones left for making dreams
are rather going fast. An once seemingly remote date
that you tagged on purpose, is soaring by our imagination as we speak.
But I couldn’t even feel a vague assurance, whether it has narrowly escaped us,
precisely as what the book intended for, through a calculated scheme leading to
their encounter, which was but repeatedly missed during my each browsing.
Whereas in realism, it so frustrates me with the loss of
all directional senses, just like tea leaves drifting aimlessly up and down,
despite our lastly acquired willingness to admit, whatever consequence shall flare up
indistinguishably, from the bleak bottom of the tea cup.
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
WOW, 苍黄粗陶。 - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
ever had someone on you ears that, "everything else is just noise but the music? "
to be honest too, i felt like accustoming >> accompany, and unfashionable >>> old fashioned ending:))
pengyou wrote:
Why don't you read it? - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
geeeez, you even call that beautiful? thank god i haven't found time for breakfast yet:))
pengyou wrote:
Why don't you read it? Some people make it very beautiful.
老瓦 wrote:
旧酒装新瓶:
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
老瓦果然true to himself,嘿嘿嘿 ~~~Just wish to hear your opinions.
老瓦 wrote:
geeeez, you even call that beautiful? thank god i haven't found time for breakfast yet:))
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
"陪我重读老式的尾声"
I'm true to your Chinese version. :-)
However, Chinese version is better.
老瓦 wrote:
ever had someone on you ears that, "everything else is just noise but the music? "
to be honest too, i felt like accustoming >> accompany, and unfashionable >>> old fashioned ending:))
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
so I can sip the last print letter as
if a drip of blood, plus its failure for not even attempting an episode
the last print letter --- the last printed letter?
a drip of blood --- a drop of blood?
a drip of blood is OK, but it doesn't sound good for ONE printed letter...
Just question marks. Not too sure...for discussion - Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
- posted on 05/20/2011
谢谢建议哈,就不具体一一答复了。
我自己的体会,诗歌翻译最大的挑战不在词汇,而是在于句子结构的搭建。有一个顺畅、贴切的语义环境,具体的词汇互译或者对换,都相对容易一些。当然,在模糊的汉语词汇与精准的英文词汇之间,很多情况还是根据个人的好恶取舍,有些词语随便挑五六个候选,也不会造成大的歧义,关键在语句,你说呢?
pengyou wrote:
so I can sip the last print letter as
if a drip of blood, plus its failure for not even attempting an episodethe last print letter --- the last printed letter?
a drip of blood --- a drop of blood?
a drip of blood is OK, but it doesn't sound good for ONE printed letter...
Just question marks. Not too sure...for discussion - RE: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
回复 #32 老瓦好诗!精雕细琢,活到老不死,才知道命有多厉害!
- Re: 因果 All they said of life, is Karmaposted on 05/20/2011
同意。在这里没有危险。
另一方面,好诗翻来翻去就把滋味翻掉了。这首还是中文的好!
老瓦 wrote:
谢谢建议哈,就不具体一一答复了。
我自己的体会,诗歌翻译最大的挑战不在词汇,而是在于句子结构的搭建。有一个顺畅、贴切的语义环境,具体的词汇互译或者对换,都相对容易一些。当然,在模糊的汉语词汇与精准的英文词汇之间,很多情况还是根据个人的好恶取舍,有些词语随便挑五六个候选,也不会造成大的歧义,关键在语句,你说呢?
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