可怜的孩子!小孩子的世界跟大人的一样可怕,甚至更可怕!黑暗的过去又一幕幕重现....好在,美国有不少组织保护孩子们。
。。。。。。。
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. -- Nine teens have been charged in the "unrelenting" bullying of a teenage girl from Ireland who killed herself after being raped and enduring months of torment by classmates in person and online, a prosecutor said Monday.
Northwestern District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel said 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley was stalked and harassed nearly constantly from September until she killed herself Jan. 14. The freshman had recently moved to western Massachusetts from Ireland.
"The investigation revealed relentless activities directed toward Phoebe to make it impossible for her to stay at school. The bullying for her was intolerable," Scheibel said.
Six teens -- four girls and two boys -- face charges including statutory rape, assault, violation of civil rights resulting in injury, criminal harassment, disturbance of a school assembly and stalking. Three younger girls face delinquency charges.
Scheibel said the harassment began in September. She said school officials knew about the bullying, but none will face criminal charges.
"The actions of these students were primarily conducted on school grounds during school hours and while school was in session," the prosecutor said.
Scheibel refused to discuss the circumstances of the rape charges.
Prince's family has moved away from the area and could not immediately be located for comment. Scheibel spoke for them at a news conference to announce the charges.
"The Prince family has asked that the public refrain from vigilantism in favor of allowing the judicial system an opportunity to provide a measure of justice for Phoebe," she said.
Some students accused of participating in the bullying have been disciplined by the school and will not be returning to classes.
Scheibel said the case is still under investigation, and there may be additional charges.
The Massachusetts Legislature cited Prince's death and the apparent suicide of 11-year-old Carl Walker-Hoover of Springfield last year when members passed anti-bullying legislation earlier this month.
Click here for more on this story from MyFoxBoston.com.
- Re: Phoebe Prince andTeen bullyposted on 04/12/2010
Well...
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she will haunt... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...for...e...v...e...r...
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there is no better way... ...for...a...grieving force...to...disperse/dissipate than... ... ...HAUNTINNNNNGGGGGGG...in...the...darkest...darkest...darkness...that...is...oozing...blood... - posted on 04/12/2010
Bullying is a serious problem. I feel school authorities are doing very little in U.S. to interfere or prevent. Did we have such a problem growing up in China? Probably not so severe, if we did (taking away the CR-cultural revolution-effects).
I wonder if this is due to cultural belief in individualism in which personal responsibility is considered most important. You need to demonstrate you could stand up for yourself, to defend yourself. So people (fellow students, teachers and others) would watch on the sideline doing nothing rather than lending a hand for the victims, or stop the bully.
A Norwegian psychologist, Dan Olweus, has been conducting research on bullying issue and advocating programs for bullying prevention. http://www.olweus.org/public/authors.page#danolweus If more schools adopt such programs we may be able to see the bullying issue reduced. - posted on 04/12/2010
I've never seen or heard of anything so severe in China. It is probably because China is an authoritarian state. Being bully means you have a potential/means to challenge the biggest bully of all, therefore it is discouraged. The U.S. may not have this "advantage".
However I don't think it has much to do with individualism. Bullies are like insects, they draw their strengh from sheer numbers. When dealt individually they are actually quite weak.
sands wrote:
Bullying is a serious problem. I feel school authorities are doing very little in U.S. to interfere or prevent. Did we have such a problem growing up in China? Probably not so severe, if we did (taking away the CR-cultural revolution-effects).
I wonder if this is due to cultural belief in individualism in which personal responsibility is considered most important. You need to demonstrate you could stand up for yourself, to defend yourself. So people (fellow students, teachers and others) would watch on the sideline doing nothing rather than lending a hand for the victims, or stop the bully. - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/12/2010
School bullying in China is no less serious. Kids all self-develop their own survival skills...
It is there. It's silent, that's all...
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/13/2010
我当年在高中就是这样被欺负的,也差点死掉,玛雅命大福大没死成,不比这个女孩子受的精神折磨少。 - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/13/2010
把它写出来吧。可以疗伤。
maya wrote:
我当年在高中就是这样被欺负的,也差点死掉,玛雅命大福大没死成,不比这个女孩子受的精神折磨少。 - posted on 04/14/2010
CND 上有一篇,那边很多讨论。记得大学三年级的时候去北京美术馆看了一部苏联电影,看得我泪如雨下,就是讲一个小姑娘转学到新学校被同学欺负,最后被打死的故事。找不到那个片子了,也想不起名字了,当时是同声翻译的,八十年代后半期的中国是个黄金年代。
·佚 名·
我搬家后,朋友非常惊讶我没有给孩子转学而是每天继续绕道送孩子去原来的学区上学。当然是因为综合原因了,不过其中很重要的一个就是孩子不愿意。他们的朋友和同学都是从进小学开始的第一天就在一起了,而我9岁的女儿还有一个深刻体会:妈咪,学校里的孩子对新人是很坏的。哈这我当然知道。
这可不是美国的专利。记得刚进初中我交了个朋友,可惜被父母硬是拆散,原因涉及到女孩子的隐私,总之在父母的眼里我和她交往不好。她是个特别善解人意的女孩,但父母为了阻止我们的交往甚至到学校找校长交涉过,最后我屈服了,不再和她来往(我现在都不能原谅自己在父母强权之下的软弱)。没有了她,我不得不试图重新交友,结果四周一看,发现世界已经分局,我加入别的朋友圈子的努力一直不很成功。作为一个pre-teen或teenager,当你发现全世界的人都有自己的朋友圈,不接受你,而你不得不过那种孤单行影的中学生活时,心里的压力和痛苦是无法形容的。
我的运气到高中也没有太好。因为初中学校是重点,我考高中没考好,降了一个级别去了另一个学校,而那里80%的学生都是从初中升上来的。我高一,高二,高三因为同桌的轮换得以在两个不同的小圈子混。虽然也进去了,但总觉得没有和他们亲近到很深的地步,我时时感觉自己是别人勉强接受的,她们还是和自己原来的朋友最近。
记得那个汤姆汉克斯演的“big”,他问她愿意不愿意回到中学时代,女主角那坚决的,心有余悸的”NO…。”,有多少女人,会像我这样,能够深深地理解其中的不堪回首。
周末女儿的朋友来sleepover,我同时有请同事来家参加派对。那五个女孩子,就是不带我两家同事的同龄女孩子玩,中间我干涉了几次都没有促成。
不理解为什么女孩子会有小圈子,一但形成就非常排斥新人,那种排斥,对于渴望交友的小女孩子来说杀伤力很大的。我总是很惊讶那些平时的小天使怎么就会突然之间变得残忍而不可理喻。
女孩子一定得属于一个小圈子。她会和朋友吵架,不和,但那些压力根本无法和一个没有朋友圈子的压力同喻而言的,这可能是很多女孩子,宁愿被自己圈子的朋友bully也没有勇气脱离的原因。
这也是成长的烦恼吧。所以我的想法,要是孩子不愿意,能不换学校,就不换了。反正这种在圈外的感受是非常糟糕的,我可不愿意我的孩子经历到。
让人觉得庆幸的,那只是人生长河的一个过程。我和我高中朋友的友情,居然在高中毕业后发展加深了。随着年龄的增长,人才会变得成熟,独立,和坚强。愿意交什么样的朋友,最终由兴趣,爱好和信仰成为决定的因素。现在我是多么开心,因为我交了很多朋友,远远多过我小学初中高中所有加起来的,她们都是我的闺房密友,可以和我分享那么多的快乐或烦恼。
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/14/2010
“佚名”,听着很熟悉... ... - posted on 04/14/2010
I suspect bullying represents human beings at their primitive stage, when the concepts of law and order are not yet installed in their minds. One critical experiment all children go though is to assert controls over their environments, including controls over their own species. Once they realize they can accomplish that by bullying, the thrill and gratification they get from the experience can be very addictive. This kind of experience is taken to a whole new level once the kids reach puberty. That is when the sexual anxiety kicks in. The boys and girls become increasingly aggressive to their own sex because it is vital for them to compete (however unconsciously) for dominance in this grand mating game.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha_(biology)
My daughter has an extrovert personality so she doesn’t have problem making friends. There are cases when some girls told her not to befriend with other girls or she would lose their friendships. I told her never to listen to those nonsense. She gets to make her own decision on whom to befriend with and nobody else has rights to boss her around. I did intervene once when a boy several years older than her kept poking fun of her Chinese last name. I went to the day care and gave him a stern warning in front of the teacher and my daughter, and it never happened again. You cannot rely on the teachers to stand up for your kids. The teachers are big pussies here.
When I was little, if I got beaten up and came back home crying, my mother wouldn’t allow me in the house until I “settled the matter” outside. I think this “exercise” helps but it is a little bit too extreme. Parents should demonstrate to their kids on how to defend themselves.
- posted on 04/14/2010
Clique is not the solution for preventing bulling, it may well be one of the causes......
maya wrote:
CND 上有一篇,那边很多讨论。记得大学三年级的时候去北京美术馆看了一部苏联电影,看得我泪如雨下,就是讲一个小姑娘转学到新学校被同学欺负,最后被打死的故事。找不到那个片子了,也想不起名字了,当时是同声翻译的,八十年代后半期的中国是个黄金年代。
·佚 名·
女孩子一定得属于一个小圈子。她会和朋友吵架,不和,但那些压力根本无法和一个没有朋友圈子的压力同喻而言的,这可能是很多女孩子,宁愿被自己圈子的朋友bully也没有勇气脱离的原因。 - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/14/2010
Yes. That is why we Chinese say 君子不党.
rzp wrote:
Clique is not the solution for preventing bulling, it may well be one of the causes......
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/14/2010
Effective way to stop bullying: fight back.
Tell you kids: if someone hit you, hit him/her back. If you ran into trouble with teacher because of that, I would not blame you. Use this from Kindergarten and bully usually wont happen to your kids after a couple of grades or even sooner. - posted on 04/14/2010
that sounds effective and primitive.
might not be a good thing to teach kids.
If there is a fight initiated by others against you, go finish it.
But, bully is bully, it's not a fight. Bully himself/herself is very tormented and pathetic. It's a very weak behavior and very easy to deal with. Give bully sympathy and he/she will behave.
How to show the sympathy? Tell him/her he/she is strong/pretty and bring him/her some cookies or candies. Then the problem resolved.
Teach kids how to deal with others in the most peaceful and diplomatic way. Don't encourage them to be violent or vindictive, and there is nobody going to win out of it. It might build the kid a very poor personality if you do not ask them learn how to tolerate.
Null wrote:
Effective way to stop bullying: fight back.
Tell you kids: if someone hit you, hit him/her back. If you ran into trouble with teacher because of that, I would not blame you. Use this from Kindergarten and bully usually wont happen to your kids after a couple of grades or even sooner. - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
There are many forms of bullying in addition to physical bullying, when the kids get older.
Null wrote:
Effective way to stop bullying: fight back.
Tell you kids: if someone hit you, hit him/her back. If you ran into trouble with teacher because of that, I would not blame you. Use this from Kindergarten and bully usually wont happen to your kids after a couple of grades or even sooner. - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
I don't suspect. I believe :) 若是一群孩子没有任何“人”的社会习俗条例的规范,全靠本能,他们会如何behave, 就是apes吧?不是说primitive society的意思哈。我这当然是极其reductionism的说法,因为apes也有自己的社会结构和行为规范,都是代代相传。
Susan wrote:
I suspect bullying represents human beings in their primitive stage, - Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
亲爱的同学们,bully不是简单的以大欺小。在人类世界里,bully有一丁点儿类似希特勒去屠杀犹太人,驱使他的,不是肌肉和力量,而是他缺乏安全感的乱七八糟的内心世界。 - posted on 04/15/2010
I think it useful at early age. Don't preach it to your middle school kids because it's too late. This is only for the situation when your kid gets attacked. :)
Often, the teachers overlook the kids in school and they can't be every where any way. You have to stand for yourself. Can't totally rely on teacher.
Your way might work too, but sometimes violent reaction delivers message better. :)
Tolerate ....bully? I don't know it'd be a good idea. Also, learning to stand for yourself won't build a bad personality. I only ask kids to defend themselves physically when necessary, not to attack or solve any disputes.
小凯 wrote:
that sounds effective and primitive.
might not be a good thing to teach kids.
If there is a fight initiated by others against you, go finish it.
But, bully is bully, it's not a fight. Bully himself/herself is very tormented and pathetic. It's a very weak behavior and very easy to deal with. Give bully sympathy and he/she will behave.
How to show the sympathy? Tell him/her he/she is strong/pretty and bring him/her some cookies or candies. Then the problem resolved.
Teach kids how to deal with others in the most peaceful and diplomatic way. Don't encourage them to be violent or vindictive, and there is nobody going to win out of it. It might build the kid a very poor personality if you do not ask them learn how to tolerate.
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
Yes. And this is harder to handle actually and I have little clue as to how.
But if kids are able to stop people from bullying them at very young age, later, non physical bully won't happen to them easy. At least so far I haven't had need to deal this issue yet. Hope it keeps that way
rzp wrote:
There are many forms of bullying in addition to physical bullying, when the kids get older.
- posted on 04/15/2010
I didn't say "to tolerate bully".
I was talking about how to resolve issues in a peaceful way, which does need tolerance and restraint. Trying to break others' negativities does not necessarily mean the tolerance toward a dark phenomenon.
Bullies have lots of internal struggles and they are weak. Bullies are not fighters. Fighting bullies does not mean giving them a good punch. Life is not a disney land.
"stand for yourself" and "violent reaction delivers message better" are not interchangeable.
To me, teaching kids to regardlessly fight back in physical action will simply let them get the wrong signal---fist to fist under any circumstance.
Bullying and Fight are not the same. Kids need to learn how to identify bullies.
Bullies have issues. It`s not just hormone or muscle...
Null wrote:
I think it useful at early age. Don't preach it to your middle school kids because it's too late. This is only for the situation when your kid gets attacked. :)
Often, the teachers overlook the kids in school and they can't be every where any way. You have to stand for yourself. Can't totally rely on teacher.
Your way might work too, but sometimes violent reaction delivers message better. :)
Tolerate ....bully? I don't know it'd be a good idea. Also, learning to won't build a bad personality. I only ask kids to defend themselves physically when necessary, not to attack or solve any disputes.
小凯 wrote:
that sounds effective and primitive.
might not be a good thing to teach kids.
If there is a fight initiated by others against you, go finish it.
But, bully is bully, it's not a fight. Bully himself/herself is very tormented and pathetic. It's a very weak behavior and very easy to deal with. Give bully sympathy and he/she will behave.
How to show the sympathy? Tell him/her he/she is strong/pretty and bring him/her some cookies or candies. Then the problem resolved.
Teach kids how to deal with others in the most peaceful and diplomatic way. Don't encourage them to be violent or vindictive, and there is nobody going to win out of it. It might build the kid a very poor personality if you do not ask them learn how to tolerate.
- posted on 04/15/2010
Say, in Pre-K or K or first grade, two kids got into argument, eventually one of them was more aggressive and decided to use fist to solve it. What should the other one do? Run away? Tell teacher? Or fist back? I go for fist back.
If run away and/or tell teacher, the kid would encounter more fists later. Not if the kid used fist back because the other party or anyone in the class/school knows that this kid would fight back. Bullies only pick on the weak.
All from defense point of view. Not for aggressive kids. Not to start a fight.
Not all bullies got complex psychological problems. Some just feels good to bully.
小凯 wrote:
I didn't say "to tolerate bully".
I was talking about how to resolve issues in a peaceful way, which does need tolerance and restraint. Trying to break others' negativities does not necessarily mean the tolerance toward a dark phenomenon.
Bullies have lots of internal struggles and they are weak. Bullies are not fighters. Fighting bullies does not mean giving them a good punch. Life is not a disney land.
"stand for yourself" and "violent reaction delivers message better" are not interchangeable.
To me, teaching kids to regardlessly fight back in physical action will simply let them get the wrong signal---fist to fist under any circumstance.
Bullying and Fight are not the same. Kids need to learn how to identify bullies.
Bullies have issues. It`s not just hormone or muscle...
- posted on 04/15/2010
"some just feel good to bully"? They told you that or you believe so?...Seeking status of authority or high hierarchy is not the same as bullying.
Being strong does not necessarily mean you have a iron fist, babe. Having physical strength is very important. But it's not for self-defense. That's called fear or ready-to-fight complex.
Being bullied(physically or otherwise) IS very painful. The way to prevent it...mmm...yeah, the well-trained early educators might have a say.
If possible, please don't educate your kids violence, my friend. There must be much better solutions.
One hand you are trying to protect them, on the other hand you are imposing your adult getting-even mentality on little children.
Just don't teach your kids to defend them with "hands" or "feet". It's dangerous. They may feel good for an instant, but might not later on.
But, Bullying must stop. No question about it.
Null wrote:
Say, in Pre-K or K or first grade, two kids got into argument, eventually one of them was more aggressive and decided to use fist to solve it. What should the other one do? Run away? Tell teacher? Or fist back? I go for fist back.
If run away and/or tell teacher, the kid would encounter more fists later. Not if the kid used fist back because the other party or anyone in the class/school knows that this kid would fight back. Bullies only pick on the weak.
All from defense point of view. Not for aggressive kids. Not to start a fight.
Not all bullies got complex psychological problems. Some just feels good to bully.
小凯 wrote:
I didn't say "to tolerate bully".
I was talking about how to resolve issues in a peaceful way, which does need tolerance and restraint. Trying to break others' negativities does not necessarily mean the tolerance toward a dark phenomenon.
Bullies have lots of internal struggles and they are weak. Bullies are not fighters. Fighting bullies does not mean giving them a good punch. Life is not a disney land.
"stand for yourself" and "violent reaction delivers message better" are not interchangeable.
To me, teaching kids to regardlessly fight back in physical action will simply let them get the wrong signal---fist to fist under any circumstance.
Bullying and Fight are not the same. Kids need to learn how to identify bullies.
Bullies have issues. It`s not just hormone or muscle...
- posted on 04/15/2010
It's not about getting even, it's about that "you can't kick me around as you wish".
I'd like to know the better solutions. :)
Referring the tragic news of suicide girl, I just could not understand how could adults (parents and teachers) around the girl let that bullying go on for....6 months!
小凯 wrote:
"some just feel good to bully"? They told you that or you believe so?...Seeking status of authority or high hierarchy is not the same as bullying.
Being strong does not necessarily mean you have a iron fist, babe. Having physical strength is very important. But it's not for self-defense. That's called fear or ready-to-fight complex.
Being bullied(physically or otherwise) IS very painful. The way to prevent it...mmm...yeah, the well-trained early educators might have a say.
If possible, please don't educate your kids violence, my friend. There must be much better solutions.
One hand you are trying to protect them, on the other hand you are imposing your adult getting-even mentality on little children.
Just don't teach your kids to defend them with "hands" or "feet". It's dangerous. They may feel good for an instant, but might not later on.
But, Bullying must stop. No question about it.
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
for....6 months!
well 4 months. still a long time.
- posted on 04/15/2010
This is what I told my 6 year-old:
If you are bullied, walk away and tell your teacher. If you cannot walk away, stand your ground and fight back. It doesn’t mean you hate him. It doesn’t mean you are trying to hurt him. Your goal is to make him stop. Do whatever you can do to make him stop.
It is a simple feedback mechanism: every time a bullying behavior is rewarded --- in the form of gratification received from asserting the bully’s power --- it reinforces the behavior. Cut off the reward, you stop the behavior.
I understand many bullies have psychological issues. Many of them are bullied themselves, most likely by their parents. Extending friendship would help, but true friendship can only flourish on the ground of mutual respect. Establish that ground first, friendship can come later.
- Re: Phoebe Prince and Teen bullyposted on 04/15/2010
小凯 wrote:
亲爱的同学们,bully不是简单的以大欺小。在人类世界里,bully有一丁点儿类似希特勒去屠杀犹太人,驱使他的,不是肌肉和力量,而是他缺乏安全感的乱七八糟的内心世界。
Yes, yes, but we didn't really tell Hitler that he is strong/pretty and bring him some cookies or candies. Then the problem resolved. Right?
- posted on 04/15/2010
well, Hitler is not strong and... he is not awfully pretty...
if not pretty awful...
and, there is almost no rule or order above that monster, during such period. In other words, he did not get a "teacher" or "parent" to educate him. Or his teacher must be some poop.
The situation was very barbarian...
Susan wrote:
小凯 wrote:Yes, yes, but we didn't really tell Hitler that he is strong/pretty and bring him some cookies or candies. Then the problem resolved. Right?
亲爱的同学们,bully不是简单的以大欺小。在人类世界里,bully有一丁点儿类似希特勒去屠杀犹太人,驱使他的,不是肌肉和力量,而是他缺乏安全感的乱七八糟的内心世界。
- posted on 04/15/2010
To be honest, I don't know exactly what the better solutions. We'd have to consult those specialists or experts on juvenile education.
I believe/hope there are more effective mechanisms to stop bullying than the same-medicine strategy.
Standing up for yourself is very important. However, I will tell my kids(I have not got pregant yet) to "run" away when situation turns very ugly and crazy. 不是逃跑的Run Away. Also, I will train them to be sensitive, smart and quick, in a unsafe environment. Because, after all, no matter what, they have to be safe...
I want them to be as sweet as I am :) Let me give myself a punch for this blatant self-suckup... :)
Null wrote:
It's not about getting even, it's about that "you can't kick me around as you wish".
I'd like to know the better solutions. :)
Referring the tragic news of suicide girl, I just could not understand how could adults (parents and teachers) around the girl let that bullying go on for....6 months!
小凯 wrote:
"some just feel good to bully"? They told you that or you believe so?...Seeking status of authority or high hierarchy is not the same as bullying.
Being strong does not necessarily mean you have a iron fist, babe. Having physical strength is very important. But it's not for self-defense. That's called fear or ready-to-fight complex.
Being bullied(physically or otherwise) IS very painful. The way to prevent it...mmm...yeah, the well-trained early educators might have a say.
If possible, please don't educate your kids violence, my friend. There must be much better solutions.
One hand you are trying to protect them, on the other hand you are imposing your adult getting-even mentality on little children.
Just don't teach your kids to defend them with "hands" or "feet". It's dangerous. They may feel good for an instant, but might not later on.
But, Bullying must stop. No question about it.
- posted on 04/15/2010
Ah you are a gentle 准妈妈.:)
Don't blindly trust "experts" too much. :)
My kids did not have much bullied experience but I did go through that. At first I just went home crying. Then, one day I started to fight back, and after a few times of fist exchanges with others, nobody bothered me anymore. That was in the first and second grades. Yes, I still had friends. I was never in a being isolated situation. Actually too many wanted to be close friend with me and I had to struggle to handle that(not to hurt anyone's feelings and such, and I only had so much time).
Really, sometimes you need let kid sort things out on their own a bit. Can't resolve everything relying on authorities (parents and teachers).
If bully is much stronger physically, of course run away. :)
小凯 wrote:
To be honest, I don't know exactly what the better solutions. We'd have to consult those specialists or experts on juvenile education.
I believe/hope there are more effective mechanisms to stop bullying than the same-medicine strategy.
Standing up for yourself is very important. However, I will tell my kids(I have not got pregant yet) to "run" away when situation turns very ugly and crazy. 不是逃跑的Run Away. Also, I will train them to be sensitive, smart and quick, in a unsafe environment. Because, after all, no matter what, they have to be safe...
I want them to be as sweet as I am :) Let me give myself a punch for this blatant self-suckup... :)
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