A Bunch of Roses
She was happy in her marriage
Even though her husband was cold
The man had a bad temper
And she complained he was never tender
For already more than three years
She receives mysterious letters from a stranger
full of poetry
Who could it be writing her verses,
Please tell me who could it be
Who could be sending her flowers in the spring
Who could it be
Every twenty-ninth of April
As always without a card
Sends her a bunch of roses
Sometimes she ponders and imagines
How would be that man that regards her so highly.
Would he be the man with smile in his eyes
With open laughters and tender hands
She does not know who could be the one that suffers in silence.
Who could it be her secret lover.
And thus she lives day by day
With the illusion of being loved, at least.
And every afternoon,
When her husband comes back home
Tired from the working days looks at her slightingly
He says nothing because he knows about it.
He knows she is happy with those little things.
Because he is her secret lover
But she pretends to know nothing of it
Only looks at her husband and keeps silent
A holy temple
By May
I said it was the night
I said it was the wine
I said it was the divine
I led you entered my holy temple
I was trying to think that it didn't matter
But your ghost makes me quiver
The holy temple
Only allows the pure soul
Laid a flower in front of the door,
Kissed the lucky bell before you come,
Scented, with myrrh,
Prayed to each and every God,
Oh, you don't even know the secret,
I want to love you secretly
In my special way
I put my tiny hands into your pocket
Trying to find the key
"want to know what's inside the bottle?
I was trying to preserve you
in that rice wine bottle"
It was the faith
Oh, my body is the holy temple
And I treat you as the only soul.
A thunderstorm,
a thurderstorm enough to destroy all senses
The night you entered my temple
All fences collapsed
You divided my body
Divided my lifeline
Divided my day and night
Inside the holy temple
We met and joined in
Weeping
We worshiped together,
We lit up the candle, we lit up the desire
We lit up each other's life fire
My muse, pretend to be my muse,
Just because of distance
Thirsty for the distance river
I revealed my sacred tributes
The moment we touched
I thought that was the lighting
My body is the holy temple
Your storm destroyed my antenna.
Waiting for the rain
Like outcast spirits
who wait at the gate of heaven
The rain watered the grass
The grass grew back again
Feels like sand paper
Feels like thorns on the roses
Feels like stings on my skin
You left your ghost with me,
As your cynical gift
it haunted the temple since you left
Distracting weeds grow back again
My temple
Now is bleak and desolate.
---------------------------
A spinster's cry
By May
I would rather have a ghost here
Singing a ghostly song for me.
At least, I will have his company.
Dressed in this cursed spinster's silks,
I look like a wooden saint.
They say I maybe better off to become a nun,
At least I can be the maid of Jesus.
Better than making faces with my old doggie,
my singing parrot and my crossed-eyed cat.
They say that I look like a cracked vase
Without being paired with another.
I am like a soul drifting in midnight
counting the waning moon.
And if I die old,
No one would cry,
Sincere cries of truthful sorrow
in my funeral
But I will remain a spinster,
Even if I hope it would not be so.
I hardly have anything left
Besides a puzzle,
a sneer and a do-not-care.
Dance
By May
*************
I would dance Greek dances
In the hot nights with you
My shirt half way off my chest
Trading my myths with
The swollen full moon
Falling down in your arms
You
Are charmed
My curved nude shadow
Moves
At the edge of bursting
shivering
The ache climbing up
But I could not stop dancing
I lost my red shoes
Thousands of rose petals
Encircled me
Suddenly the music
Stopped, still
My feet could not move
Any more
Only you
Have the power to
Move me
Distance
By May
I have to let you know this
That distance has fermented the magic word
I have preyed that
If you are the danger
I do not need to be safe
If you are the fire
I'd like to be burned
If you are the disease
I would not want to be cured
Poisoning as it is
Sweetening as it is
Everyday I chew on your poems
I like to sing this song to you
Blow it into your ears
Fearless as I used to be
Now I have to confess
That if it is the test of faith
I am a little believer
That if it is the test of bravery
Then I am an absolute coward
That if it is the test of time
I want to bend the clock
I have to admit
That Tenderness has surrounded me
No way to escape
Poison entered my heart,
I am fatally ill
I said
I want to watch you from a distance
Yet what I secretly hope just as close
Beautiful moments
Precious as it is
I want to save it, keep it
and consume it little by little
Poor as me, empty as me
Pale and pain
Why romance is so costly
If my tears can become coins
If my signs can become diamonds
If my yearnings can become gold
Then I can afford
My courage swings
I am entering a dangerous zone
Home Bondage
By May
Home, don¡¯t ask me where is home
Mama is tough, Papa is rule
Whenever I am home
I am the trouble
So for god's sake
Why did you ask me home?
Home, what is a home
I have no sense of home
How dare you say that
I just say
The world is my home
Turbulence, storm
Mama just wants me home
She worries
She tears
She is afraid of my trouble
Laugh, they laugh at me
Said my sin is thinking too much
Mom put me in a plain dress
So my forehead is not so obvious
She just wants me like others
Like others? It's plain
I am the queen of pain
Mom does not want me to write
It's silly they said
I shall be doomed unhappy
There's no money
Mom, you gave me the life to be pain
How can I not fall into the plan
It's my fate
I was born during the struggle meeting
She said
When will you have a baby she said
being the grandma she wants
Juggle between the line
Is not easy, mom
Producing money, producing baby
At the same time
Cooking my poetry
Is not easy
Plucking off my flying feathers
Teaching my feet a measure
They also found my mouth a rein
Why put me in blue
I was born in red
I want that pair of red dancing shoes.
Travel, where to go?
She said there is no home
Lonesome I would be
I already be
What else could it be?
Home, where is home?
Homebound is too soon.
Peninsula
By May
You said that no one can be an island
I said I am just content
being a peninsula
You said that the cage is gold
I said I would rather fly in cold
You said that you want to be the one-eyed man
Leading the blind
I said my vision is just too good
Are we the day and the night?
Are we the sorrow and joy?
Unlike are we, unlike,
Unlike our uses and our design.
I said my life is just like that
You said your family escaped the same way
I said I feel so distanced with Shinpan
You said you feel the same way
Are you the well-mannered knight
Are you the deviant Mei
Alike are we, alike
Alike the sun and moon and the twins.
You said that I am not yet an island
I said my land is just as abundant
Juggling between business and my artistic pursuit everyday is not an easy task. Being independence and solitary, portrait as an island in this poem is all poets¡¯ desire. I am trying to combine my two different worlds together.
Cliff
By may
That night
I was turning and tossing
Like my cross-eyed cat
Moaning and yawning
I cursed and disparaging myself
I can not live without you
Then that was the cliff
Dreamed so many times
Either I will be killed
Or I will be cured
Jump
Jump
Only one way to go
The wind meets the sea
With that familiar kiss
Caresses my fluid body
We together, jump
Create the waves
Rushing to play on the shore
The sea is my love potion
And the cliff is my love cure
******************
7 chants D'Amour
If
You were here
I would
Tell you
Something
In seven languages and
Then
Forget
And then
Silent
A Song to Chian
I was moaning and weeping..........
you call it desire
I call it despair
fences collapsed
no hope
trying to reaching,
clutching on something
but it was empty.....
felt your hand in my dream
was holding my hand
my fevered hand
across the mosquito-net
felt your body next to mine.......
Just pretend
By May
Just pretend you are my knight
Even if you can not battle
Just pretend you will protect me
Even if your arms can not encircle
Just pretend you came from my destiny
Even if our encounter is electronic random
The day when your words become flesh
Quietly
I waited
Within the darkness of a
Virgin womb
Moved
And moved
Slowly
Towards
To meet
To worship
To welcome
To ride with
Your waves
I hear your steps
Outside the door
The very silence is broken
Like a mirror
into thousand pieces
Tonight
You and I
Are writing on the flesh
Not on keyboard
But flesh
Rub against the sheet
To Mr. Plan
By May
So Mr. Plan, Mr. Plain
Have you planned our date
Have you planned our wed
Have you planned your visit
Plan for Monday, plan for Tuesday
Don't forget, we have to plan for Wednesday, Thursday
And Friday
Don't forget to bring your calendar
We have to plan for Saturday and Sunday especially
We have to calculate, we have to plan
Everything has to be in the plan
We have new year's plan
We have five years' plan
We have pro/con analysis
And we also have to check our balance sheet.
The plates are in place
The chairs are in place
The fire is inside the fireplace
Oh, ya, roses should grow to that direction
And the moon has to be just round
Yes, the candlelight, has to be on that spot
Nothing is out of the way!
We have to plan our life
We have to plan our death
We have to lay down and die on that bed
Nothing is done out of the plan
Nothing is done out of the way
Everything has to be done
According to Mr. Plan's way
Unreachable
by May
Silently
Another try
Another endeavor
Want to climb up to your lonely earlobe
I wish to be that only soft strand of hair
Next to your ear
Always just that little distance
Blocked my road towards you
Never reachable
Never attainable
Along with a helpless sign
I swim to your sensitive nostril
Again I lost in the Tear Lake
Under your eyelashes
Unable to escape
When the eyes met
In the shadow of desire
Helplessly
Waiting for the guidance from the wind
Could not find the trail of the clouds
Suddenly the humidity turned into cold rain
Collected all the damp heaviness
Only for the memory
Never want to give up so easily
Being sad is also not easy
Don't want to suffer
That might happened sorrow in the future
But I can not persuade myself
Let the burning heartbeats endanger my life breath
Boredom densely grow from my teeth
Even lost interest in lust
Can not get rid of the
Heavenly thick loneliness
Always expect that tacit consent from your delicate fingers
To encourage my greedy eyes covet your earlobe
Aye, I am just another common lady
And you are too far aloof
I lost my courage even during my dream
Aye, my imaginary silly
My envisioned beauty
Floating emptiness
The last memory
Falling down along the cold edge of time
Pain is sheer clear
Like desperation
Still the same romance to that
Unattainable
Unreachable dream
Copyright 1998 May Huang
All rights reserved
When you are gone
By May
You vanished like a misty kitty
When you were gone
I was ship with no anchor,
Why would I sail when the mast is broken?
Should I wait, should I row?
I can not read your soul.
Tell me when the sun is going to rise?
Tell me when the night is going to become silence?
When are you going to leave again?
I know, I know,
You instantly became a phantom snow.
You want to see without seeing
You want to win without wining
You want to feel without touching
Ai, you want to speak but
Without a word.
Ai, I miss your voice,
Will you give me an ear?
I will lent you my eye
If you touch me
I will kiss your fingers and
Make them flowers.
I live for words and words alone
When you are gone.
Where is Key West
To a faceless phantom
By May
That night, you said you are rushing to key west
Holding the phone to my chest
Every minute is long as a journey to the moon
You said you are going to read my poems in the most beautiful sunset
You said you are going to rash, can not wait for me to finish my words
Where is Key West?
I had to put myself to sleep
Sleeping pills, alcohol, books came to my rescue
Brought me to the deep valley of dreams
I was following a faceless phantom to key west
Where is Key West?
I was climbing the icy globe,
So cold, and suddenly so hot,
I was sweating, I was climbing,
Each attempt I made
Each inch I struggled to climb up
I slided back down to the hot equator
Where is key west?
The globe is opened up through the equator
I was holding the tip of Florida
My feet are hanging in the air
Alas, help, SOS
Let me be there with you
I am lost
Where is key west?
Flying in the air
In my mind is all about key west
Talked about Key west
On the pier of Melaka beach
Talked about it when the stars are shining
and the waves are whispering
¡°key west is the place to be, men¡±
Chian puffed another cigarette
¡®just driving towards the sunset is heaven¡±
he said it in the funniest Malay accent
¡°you are color blind, how can you see the sunset¡±
I can smell it, he said
¡°all kinds of artists there, men,
the shape of Florida is a man
and the islands are his sperms
it is the orgasm of all
¡°oh, right, Manhattan has the same shape
How come it depressed me so?
¡°Key West is the place to me, men,
This is the tenth time I said tonight
You have to believe in your dream¡±
He said.
Then I rashed back home to search the map
Oh, There is the Republic of Dreams
Somewhat west of Bahamas
Between the sea of clouds and the sea of unseen.
Its citizens love love, youth, beauty, splendor,
wisdom, generosity, music and the dance
Everyone has to pass a poetic test to immigrant to there
Then she can get an authentic dreamland passport
Uli called and told me there are mosquitoes in Key West
Thousands of them
And no man can rescue me from there
Ai, Jack, just pick up your sword
Kill those insects for me
My blood is too sweet, they said
Should I go to sell my blood and get a ticket to Key West?
Watching Fireflies in KL on Christmas 1998
We drove to see the fireflies
I was so surprised a night would be like this
No one besides us, a boatman quietly row the boat
Thousands of fireflies
The stars, the moon and the lighting
At the same time
I said it is surreal
I thought the lighting dropped all the fire sparkles
Instead of rain
As if the angles in the heaven were welding
They are building my bridge to the heaven
And I would reward you kisses to bring me here.
The flies are blinking, twinkling
like the lights on Christmas trees on and off
Like someone whose balance is uncertain after flying
The night was as soft as fur
The river of the voyages flow
Cautiously over the dark distance
It is not the moon, I tell you,
It is these fires
My chest caught fires
There were lightings,
But no thunderstorms, no sound, no rain
You put one of them on my palm
Let it die in peace
Your time to shine maybe just tonight
I said, but I am your audience
I watched you danced your life dance
You lifted your veil and wrap yourself in fire
Till you die.
We sat quite at the name of no name
And in the trembling dark blue sky
A moon, a shell moon
The river reflects the stars,
as if the fireflies went to the sky and into the water
The stain of fire
Is upon the world
Yellow, blue, red
It eats into the leaves
Smears with saffron
Lean against a smooth purple sky
If the water could dream,
And if the sky is the blackboard
The letter written on it would be:
Forgive me-love, blue.
The beauty of tonight will hurt me for the rest of my life.
I was
By May
I know you want me blue
I know you want me green
I know you want me pink
But when the sunset comes
You only wanted me blush
And who am I, anyway,
To you, my dear simple-minded,
I am just like all the others
A word, a pretended night
I was a wave breaking up
I was the leaves that falls from the tree
A crazy breeze
But when the night closes down
I was the thread of light
And who am I, anyway,
To you, my dear simple-minded
I am just like all the others
Another word, another pretended night
I was your faithful lover
I was your container of bitter secretion
You said:" craziness."
But in the morning
I just became a fleeing adventure for you
I will be an instance from yesterday
A silence in your skin
a still shadow
A day in your past
An old caress
That never holds me in a circle
Nothing of nothing
By May
The crests of the waves
A grain of sand
A strand of hair
A head without a mind
An instance of fear
A lost musical note
An empty word in a poem
The light in the morning
I am of such an insignificant nature
Nothingness
Nothing of you, nothing of me
A breeze of air, am I
Nothing of anyone
A piece of snow flake
Rain that simply rains
A thought
An abysm half-opened.
A quiet word
A glass without a lip-mark
I am a path that has no destine
A star without light
I am of such an insignificant nature
Nothingness
¡..
A breeze of life
A truth that is really a lie
The sun in the winter
An hour during your night
The silence of "goodbye"
A "really did not wish to happen."
A second in your dreams
A step climbing the stairs
A drop of water
I am of such an insignificant nature
Nothingness
Copy right September 1997
Erotica? No, depression
By may
...........
I wore his shirt next to my skin
for many years.
But it was never the same on my body
as on his, and he was not there
.....
to take it off.
........
my love goes out in waves
and breaks. whatever is, craves.
up and down
goes to the vacant part......