- An Shan, I can tell from this piece your language is getting more mature but you have to know how to tell a story - to cut the unnecessary stuff and only to keep the essential, to make the story more condensed and more dramatic, thus it can stand out in readers' mind more clearly.
Also, the last sentence isn't clear - are you wishing the way you treated JoAnne had been different or the things happened to her had been different?
adagio
