- adagio wrote:
An Shan, I can tell from this piece your language is getting more mature but you have to know how to tell a story - to cut the unnecessary stuff and only to keep the essential, to make the story more condensed and more dramatic, thus it can stand out in readers' mind more clearly.
谢谢兰舟。本来没指望有人会有耐心读我写的故事，尤其是这个节奏快的时代，除非是我的朋友在我逼迫之下。我这一组故事都是这样繁琐的了，就算是工笔画吧。
Also, the last sentence isn't clear - are you wishing the way you treated JoAnne had been different or the things happened to her had been different?
另一个朋友也说不懂结尾。"Every time I think of JoAnne, I only wish that everything could have been different. Everything." 就是说，一切都希望不同，包括 the way I treated JoAnne, and things happened to her, as well as who I was and what I had said and done and thought and understood and .... everything. 每一个细节我都希望是不同的发生和不同的结果，因为自己怕一写具体的，就把其它的给忽略了。我得再想想这个结尾。
再谢谢兰舟。
令狐冲，我中文太差劲，所以用英文。这里的 Susan 和 Adagio 也用英文写诗的。
闃垮