- A strong character of JoAnne. There are many good details in the story but also some unnecessary details which didn’t help to achieve the atheistic effect you intended.
For instance, the descriptions of JoAnne’s appearance when ‘I” first met her were too much at the time. You can pace out her looks and the impact of her looks on people over the development of the story. I think the story is important to convey the relationships between characters that you want to show.
Showing instead of telling sometimes is a better strategy in telling a tale.
But it’s a good start. I think I can understand you for I have been through a similar phase. Now I am learning how to tell a story well (not necessary in a thriller or a science fiction novel’s way to achieve page-turner status) by ruthlessly cutting out stuff which is not essential.
A good story has to be intriguing, meaning interesting as well as intelligently challenging or touching. You can easily lose the reader if testing the patience can turn off the connection very quickly. I think you can achieve more by cutting a quarter of the length.
I am quite straightforward here, AhSan. I've learned from my workshops that constructive criticisms help more than encouraging words. From the little bit I know about you in this café, I think you need the former rather than the latter.
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